Well, I just noticed it has been awhile since I updated with Jase.
We had an amazing day today. The weather was beautiful and we were in Des Moines for PT, so we went to the Blank Park Zoo. It was a perfect day for some sun, some animals and some Mama/Son time. Jase had a great time today. He pet the live corn snake, he laughed at the monkeys, he squealed at the sea otters and he tried to touch every child that was his age or younger, flirting and smiling at them. It was an amazing day. Jase had a wonderful lunch, he drank out of his new water bottle and straw and he took a much needed nap on the way home.
As much fun as we had today, I have to admit I am struggling. Jase is 20 months old - adjusted to 16 months old. We have been participating in PT since Jase was 35 weeks old. And sometimes, I just feel like we are spinning the wheel. We travel every week to PT in Des Moines and Jase cries through PT every single week. He is doing so many amazing things. He continues to work on strengthening his core muscles, he is speed crawling everywhere, pulling himself up and cruising around everything, but when it comes to letting go - HE WON'T! Someone mentioned to me the other day that most babies walk between the 9-14 month time frame. Now, at 20 months actual / 16 months adjusted, he is to smart for his own good and realizes that if he lets go - he will fall. He doesn't want to fall so he is stuck doing the skills of holding on to something, begging to be picked up or just dropping to his knees to crawl. Because of Jase's prematurity, skill wise he is judged based on his adjusted age, and then because of his extreme prematurity it is normal for those skills to take even longer. I was even told that for every month premature, it will take that long for some babies to catch up to their peers. Since Jase was 4 months premature, he can't be compared to other toddlers his age until he starts school. I also need to remind myself that a few years ago, medical technology would not have allowed a 23 week baby to survive out of the womb. I know all of those things, but I am struggling. I feel like I am not working with him enough, playing with him enough, pushing him enough. All of those feelings that the mom of a micro-preemie feels at some point if not all points of her child's development.
I know all of those things so why am I struggling? I guess it is frustrating. Everyone sees a normal child. He doesn't look like a micro-preemie - when playing with other kids he doesn't act like a micro-preemie, but yet when people who don't know our story, or who don't understand our story, looks at him, they wonder why he isn't walking. And then I explain, Jase is a 23 weeker. It isn't abnormal for them to walk up until they are 2 years of age actual. I explain that most babies are born with the core strength, due to doing somersaults, and twisting and turning in the womb. Jase didn't get that, as he laid in a incubator for all of that time he was supposed to be maturing in Mama's belly. Then he was working on breathing - because honestly you have to breath to survive and that is more important then the other skills that can come later.
And now I feel like I am justifying. We have been focusing so hard on eating correctly, drinking from a sippy cup, and most recently giving up the bottle that those other skills have taken a back burner. And now, I am going crazy because I neglected those skills. I met another mom at the zoo today and striking up the conversation with the mom left me feeling sad. (You know, because I feel like I should talk to all strangers.) She saw a child so much taller then her child, a child eating his snack so much better then her child, but when we got out of the stroller to feed the animals, she saw a child that had to be held instead of walking around the petting zoo. As she asked me how old he is, and I responded 20 months and then had a 5 minute conversation about should have been birthdays and extreme prematurity - and she looked at me with wide eyes and said "don't worry he will get it," as her 16 month old walked around the stroller. I smiled and said yep - every child does things differently. And that is when it hit me, how dos she know that he will get it? Is this the root of all my frustration - a crying PT session and a stranger at the zoo?
Patience Mama - Patience.
God is always trying to instill patience in me. Today was no different - Well, tomorrow is a new day, with new emotions, new struggles and new strengths. Here is to hoping we meet more milestones tomorrow! Thanks for reading my writing, rambling mess - Today was a good day.
God is always trying to instill patience in me. Today was no different - Well, tomorrow is a new day, with new emotions, new struggles and new strengths. Here is to hoping we meet more milestones tomorrow! Thanks for reading my writing, rambling mess - Today was a good day.
Until Next Time - MELISSA
