Thought for Week #20....of 2013!

My Thought for This Week.... Carter is going to be a big brother!  

I have babies on the brain.  Which may be why I didn't post a blog last week!  I came home last week on Monday the 13th from a doctor's appointment in Des Moines - with the shocking, yet exciting news that we were having twins!

So here we go - all those weeks that I haven't posted anything....or very little.  Let me catch you up so far, beginning just 4 weeks ago!

Week 4 -  Although, I probably could have taken a pregnancy test at the beginning of the week - I thought that I would wait until my missed period.  I have a love/hate relationship with the pregnancy test.... as I love them when they are positive and dislike the rejection I feel when they are negative.  So, I waited - although there were no symptoms but random cramping - I had a few signs.... 2 days past my missed period and during the middle of the week was a positive pregnancy test on April 24, 2012.   I remember screaming to Brennon that it was positive, after having spent multiple minutes self- talking to myself about how to deal with it if it was negative.  Brennon ran into the living room and we stared at it.  I am pretty sure I didn't hug him - I just paced, and paced, and paced.  I was beyond excited, beyond happy, and beyond scared.  My first prayer was whispered to the heavens.. Please God keep this child safe and allow us to raise this precious miracle.  We drove to Des Moines 2 days later on Friday for a blood test - 521 and then again on Sunday April 28th (our Anniversary) to see our levels double to 1192.  WOO-HOO - we had a rockstar in my belly!

Week 5 -  Two words come to mind this week, vertigo and sinus infection.  Okay - so technically 3 words.  I was sick, sick and sick.  I believe that I tried everything from neti pots, to cough drops to onion sandwiches... 

This week, I couldn't help thinking about Carter.  He is our big boy - no longer the baby of our family.  He is a big brother.  

Week 6 - Saturday, the first day of week 6 AND I was still sick.  I remember after Carter was born, bargaining with God.  I remember praying for healthy baby and that I would take morning sickness everyday if it meant a healthy pregnancy.  I did not expect the head cold/chest congestion, phelgm puking, pea green diarrhea and the fact that I am anti - medication during pregnancy.  I will take morning sickness every day, but not this.  Although, I remember that God doesn't bargain... it really makes me laugh at His sense of humor when answering my prayers.

Let me tell you - - I sure hope those cough drops or vicks vapor rub didn't hurt my baby.  Not even wanting to admit my dreams that night were coughing attacks leading to a miscarriage.  I know crazy - and probably sharing to much... but I suppose all normal worries for a mom and a dad who have already said goodbye to our firstborn.

Anxiously awaiting our baby's first photo session scheduled for week #7 -  praying for strong heartbeat and a beautiful little blueberry.  

 #7 - I thought I had seen everything..... Really what more can shock me.  Let me tell you that I received the shock of a life time on Monday, May 13th and an awesome Mother's Day gift.  I was given the opportunity to see my babies.  Yes, you see I said it correctly we are having babies.  TWO BABIES!  This would explain the vertigo!  Both babies measuring 7 weeks and 1 day.  Baby #1 heartbeat was 123 and Baby #2 was 122.  Will we have a baby boy and a baby girl?

We are shocked and beyond excited.  I think I said 15 times in the ultrasound room.... "but I have an incompetent cervix."  I had a hard time keeping one baby inside and I have two babies to keep safe.  The thought was overwhelming.  I am not sure who felt more faint Brennon or myself.  I just remember repeating that phrase over and over.  The nurse smiled and said, "Well incompetent cervix or not - it doesn't change you have 2 babies."  Although we were shocked, I was reminded in that moment that I have to trust in God.  He will provide for us, and he will protect our children according to His will. Brennon drove home from our appointment... moments of silence, moments of sentences I am not sure what was said, and few moments of laughter, a shake of the head and realizing that we were looking at a picture of 2 babies.  Brennon looked at me and said, "We must have been praying on the same days - we both got our prayers answered because we each got a baby!"

And the funny thing - there was no fertility treatments - just some luck (or a miracle).  My old left ovary only working 20% of the time released 2 eggs this month - resulting in twins.  It amazes me that the same ovary that I had surgery on to remove a baseball size cyst and is barely working would release both eggs.

Here we are with week #8 - Anxiously waiting to have another peek at our babies next week.  Hoping and praying that everything looks great and we will be referred to our perintologist.  This way, we can come up with a plan for the safety of this pregnancy.  I am getting antsy thinking about our options and what cerclage they will choose.   I continue to pray that God helps the doctors to know best how to treat me and that I will be blessed with a long, boring pregnancy.  I am pretty pumped... Only a few more weeks and we will be able to have weekly ultrasounds.

I am finally getting used to the crazy pregnancy symptoms that I have this time, that I didn't experience with Carter.  I don't have morning sickness - I have the all day pukey feeling... but thankfully I don't throw up, and it is nothing I can't handle.  AND, I am always hungry - I guess that happens when I am feeding more then one.  I feel I have to be snacking all the time, and I am running out of healthy options that sound good!  I have finally came to accept my crazy mood swings (although, I am not sure Brennon has).  I have never experienced such intense feelings or hormones rocketing through my body.  Also, I am going to have to wrap this up soon, as I am rapidly approaching my 7 pm bedtime :)

I do have to add, today is May 21, 2013 - Carter is 9 months old today in Heaven.  Happy Birthday to my big boy! Daddy and Mommy Love YOU!

On another note....Here are some random Melissa and Brennon Pregnancy Facts

1.  We are pregnant - During Week 8 - Baby #1 and Baby #2 are each the size of a kidney bean and Carter is 9 months old.

2.  Most pregnant couples have 10-15 prenatal visits... The Zellmer Family will have  30-40....  :)

3.  We are now blessed with the best team of doctors!

4. Only 4-5 short weeks to surgery.  We are sewing these babies inside and we are going to keep them there until at least 35 weeks....
5. Full Term for Twins - 37 weeks!  I only have 29 to go!

6. Our babies' due date is December 28, 2013 (Carter's was due date was December 28, 2012).  We would love to meet our baby at Christmas - but contine to pray that there are no reason for contractions before Thanksgiving.

7. We are so excited for Baby #2  and #3- but, because we are expecting and excited for our future, it does not change that we were pregnant and gave birth to Carter.  The next few months, I am sure there will be laughter, tears, excited moments and scared moments... and many, many prayers.  But as always,  our faith will continue to be stronger then our fears.

Thanks so much for sharing this journey with me.  I look forward to blogging during the upcoming weeks, not only about our babies, but the changes that are happening in our lives.   I am so blessed that I was able to give birth to Carter.  He has helped me to realize that life is short and that faith, hope and love is what we need to carry on.  My faith in God, continues to sustain me, to carry me and to give me hope for the future and the blessings to come.  Thank you to my family, my friends, my acquaintances, to strangers and to blog readers who have said prayers for us, who have supported us and who have loved us.  I can barely type, as tears stream down my face... thinking back to one of my first posts on January 1st - when faith and hope was all we had.  I thought I was down to nothing, when in truth, He was preparing me for everything.  When Brennon and I chose to start trying again, we both had to remember that God is in control and that we don't know what the future holds... that in truth we could say goodbye to another baby.  We don't know what our future holds, and yet, knowing that, doesn't change the fact that we are blessed.  We love all three of our children.... Carter and the 2 to come!  We pray daily that God continues to be in our life, in our home, and in our family.  That He will protect our family of 5 and provide us with all we need.

Have a blessed week!  Thank you for all your support!  Love, Melissa