Monday - Monday - Here we are again. I had such a great week! I am happy. I surprised myself this week by just how happy I have become. I am happy with my life and who I spend my time with. Let's face it , I am just happy. AND - I am wearing flip flops and capris today! Spring finally feels like it is here. Even though it is cloudy - I am loving the fact that it is Spring... and the forecast calls for rain not snow! Although, I have to mention that I just saw a forecast that said parts of Iowa could get 3 inches of snow - I have decided that this is the winter that will never end......... All I have to say, the snow has got to stop! I got a pedicure today at lunch and I am no longer allowed to wear shoes that cover my toes!
I wish someone would comment and give me some ideas for my thought for the week. I need some inspiration. Some weeks I feel like I write the same things over and over.
Oh well - I guess those thoughts are the ones taking up the most time in my brain.
This past week, my focus has been on exercise and loosing weight. I had to change some medicine and BAM - I gained 15 pounds in 2 weeks. I have watched what I have put in my mouth and exercised daily and in the last week have only lost 4 pounds. Why is it so much easier to put it on then it is to take it off? I have done pretty well with the elliptical - not missing a day this week. I have been doing 30-35 minutes, and I think this week, I need to switch up my routine. Push myself a little harder. Let me tell you, I sweat out of control. I have the motivation to use the elliptical two times a day, but that would result in me getting up early in the morning and exercising before work. We will see what happens - I used to do weight watchers and was pretty successful at it - Unfortunately, with my lovely payments to Iowa Methodist, I just can't spend $40 a month at weight watchers and $36 a month for the YMCA and still comfortably make a little extra on my payments. So, I think I am going to try the Lose It! App on my phone? Has anyone used it and had good luck with it? My fitness goal for the week is to track my food input. Let's say goodbye to another 4 pounds!
WEDDING PLANS WITH THE FUTURE HOGANS - Hey Emalie! I am pretty sure we need to get together and make a list. I have a lot of responsibility and I am almost as excited for this wedding as the two of you.. so lets do some planning. :) We only have....1 year, 3 months, and 11 days - Yes, I have a countdown!
Oh well - I guess those thoughts are the ones taking up the most time in my brain.
This past week, my focus has been on exercise and loosing weight. I had to change some medicine and BAM - I gained 15 pounds in 2 weeks. I have watched what I have put in my mouth and exercised daily and in the last week have only lost 4 pounds. Why is it so much easier to put it on then it is to take it off? I have done pretty well with the elliptical - not missing a day this week. I have been doing 30-35 minutes, and I think this week, I need to switch up my routine. Push myself a little harder. Let me tell you, I sweat out of control. I have the motivation to use the elliptical two times a day, but that would result in me getting up early in the morning and exercising before work. We will see what happens - I used to do weight watchers and was pretty successful at it - Unfortunately, with my lovely payments to Iowa Methodist, I just can't spend $40 a month at weight watchers and $36 a month for the YMCA and still comfortably make a little extra on my payments. So, I think I am going to try the Lose It! App on my phone? Has anyone used it and had good luck with it? My fitness goal for the week is to track my food input. Let's say goodbye to another 4 pounds!
WEDDING PLANS WITH THE FUTURE HOGANS - Hey Emalie! I am pretty sure we need to get together and make a list. I have a lot of responsibility and I am almost as excited for this wedding as the two of you.. so lets do some planning. :) We only have....1 year, 3 months, and 11 days - Yes, I have a countdown!
LOVE - The best thing in life is who I share it with. I have found the person that makes my heart happy. Wasn't it in Greek Mythology that said humans were born with 4 arms and 4 legs and 2 faces. Zeus split each human in two and each individual was destined to search this world to find their other half or their soul mate. Although, it is mythology and we know it isn't true... isn't that a fun thought. I know that I have honestly found my other half. I am so thankful for my husband. This weekend wasn't very eventful - I am pretty sure I don't really remember half of what we did. I do know that my husband worked his butt off spring cleaning inside and out... and I enjoyed spending every moment with him. Last night as we were getting ready for bed, he gave me a look, kissed me and said, "I had a wonderful weekend with you." You know - I did too. We really didn't do much - and yet, it was one of the best weekends we have had in a long time. A reason for my happiness, perhaps?
FAMILY - I don't know if this fits under the family category, but it was one year ago today, that Carter was conceived. I guess when you do fertility treatments that is one thing you can know for sure. Never in my journey, did I think that I would be where I am today. And what seems to be a series of unfortunate events may, in fact, be the first steps of a journey. I cannot believe all of the first steps I have taken during the last year. The things that I have accomplished, the new things I have tried, the grief that I have felt, the raw emotions that I have overcome, the love that has grown or the family that was started.
Last week, I blogged about my anger towards parents on facebook truly complaining about their children. After I posted it, I really thought about it. How many times, do I take for granted what others are praying for. I have been blessed in so many ways, and so many times I reread my blogs for that simple reminder. I have a good job, a home, a wonderful husband, and yet there are those around us who has lost their job, their home, and are struggling with their relationships. Hasn't there been a time where I was complaining on Facebook, and didn't take into consideration, how my words and feelings could affect others. And even as I wrote those words, I didn't think about how others would read them. I pray every day for the compassion to look past the obvious when dealing with others, because, I am unaware of the journey that God has placed on them. Dalai Lama said perfectly, "Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them." Good words to live by. Our words and our actions (or lack there of) speak loudly and we should do everything we can to lift others up.
Last week, I blogged about my anger towards parents on facebook truly complaining about their children. After I posted it, I really thought about it. How many times, do I take for granted what others are praying for. I have been blessed in so many ways, and so many times I reread my blogs for that simple reminder. I have a good job, a home, a wonderful husband, and yet there are those around us who has lost their job, their home, and are struggling with their relationships. Hasn't there been a time where I was complaining on Facebook, and didn't take into consideration, how my words and feelings could affect others. And even as I wrote those words, I didn't think about how others would read them. I pray every day for the compassion to look past the obvious when dealing with others, because, I am unaware of the journey that God has placed on them. Dalai Lama said perfectly, "Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them." Good words to live by. Our words and our actions (or lack there of) speak loudly and we should do everything we can to lift others up.
FAITH - I am going to ask a favor. I am going to ask for prayers. Would you take a moment to ask God to bless us? I am a week away from another doctor's appointment and praying for an awesome appointment. We pray that we continue to see good health for me and our family. I have to continue by saying how thankful that I am for Dr Lehman. I am pretty pumped to be able to see her next week and tell her about the awesome progress that I have made since I saw her last October.
I have been praying a lot today - praying that God continues to bless my friends, my acquaintances, my family, my husband, my future and even myself. I am once again reminded in my prayers that this isn't always about me and what I want, when I want it, but having patience in God's perfect timing. I try really hard to pray for others more then I pray for myself - but this time, I think I need the prayers. I might as well let the cat out of the bag. Brennon and I have decided to start trying again for a sibling for Carter. Although, if you are a blog reader, a facebook stalker or a close friend or family member, you probably already figured this out. Can I impress to you how scary this is?! Infertility Stinks - Having an Incompetent Cervix Sucks - BUT, I will not let these things define me. I refuse to say this is how my story is going to end. I am going to have faith that God will bless us and that we will finally be able to be good parents to a child on Earth - not just to a child in Heaven.
As I write this, I really want to delete it. I can't believe I just shared this with you. When we were pregnant with Carter - everything was a secret. We didn't tell anyone that we were trying, we didn't share that we had seen a fertility specialist and honestly, we waited until we were 12 weeks along to share that I was pregnant, because we were so scared something bad would happen and we would loose our precious child during what we thought was the riskiest part of a pregnancy... and now here I am sharing that we are trying for a baby. Strange...I am happy, but yet I have tears streaming down my face. It is so hard to be patient. It is so hard to trust when every emotion tells me that it is never going to happen. It is hard to wait for God's divine timing when it something that Brennon and I want so badly. My heart and head is ready for it, but my body has not gotten the memo yet. So, I will continue to pray - and someday, I will look back at the blog and smile - that everything happens for a reason and there is a reason that I waited....
Therefore I will look unto the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation: my God will hear. Micah 7:7
In saying that - I really like the song "I Will Wait" by Mumford and Sons. Now, I don't know the purpose behind the song or the meaning that was intended for the song. The more I listen to it, the more I hear a prayer. Overall, it has been a stressful year for Brennon and I. And I have struggled with patience and trust. Everyone has hard times at one time or another. I know that in my moments of darkness, I fall to my knees. When it is hardest to pray, is when I seem to pray the most. So, whatever the meaning is for this song - I believe - I will wait for God.
I WILL WAIT - Mumford and Sons
And I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of darkness
Which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun.
And I'll kneel down
wait for now
I'll kneel down
know my ground
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
So break my step
And relent
You forgave and I won't forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
Now in some way
Shake the excess
But I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
So I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
That tethered mind free from the lies.
But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground
Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow
Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
I have been praying a lot today - praying that God continues to bless my friends, my acquaintances, my family, my husband, my future and even myself. I am once again reminded in my prayers that this isn't always about me and what I want, when I want it, but having patience in God's perfect timing. I try really hard to pray for others more then I pray for myself - but this time, I think I need the prayers. I might as well let the cat out of the bag. Brennon and I have decided to start trying again for a sibling for Carter. Although, if you are a blog reader, a facebook stalker or a close friend or family member, you probably already figured this out. Can I impress to you how scary this is?! Infertility Stinks - Having an Incompetent Cervix Sucks - BUT, I will not let these things define me. I refuse to say this is how my story is going to end. I am going to have faith that God will bless us and that we will finally be able to be good parents to a child on Earth - not just to a child in Heaven.
As I write this, I really want to delete it. I can't believe I just shared this with you. When we were pregnant with Carter - everything was a secret. We didn't tell anyone that we were trying, we didn't share that we had seen a fertility specialist and honestly, we waited until we were 12 weeks along to share that I was pregnant, because we were so scared something bad would happen and we would loose our precious child during what we thought was the riskiest part of a pregnancy... and now here I am sharing that we are trying for a baby. Strange...I am happy, but yet I have tears streaming down my face. It is so hard to be patient. It is so hard to trust when every emotion tells me that it is never going to happen. It is hard to wait for God's divine timing when it something that Brennon and I want so badly. My heart and head is ready for it, but my body has not gotten the memo yet. So, I will continue to pray - and someday, I will look back at the blog and smile - that everything happens for a reason and there is a reason that I waited....
Therefore I will look unto the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation: my God will hear. Micah 7:7
In saying that - I really like the song "I Will Wait" by Mumford and Sons. Now, I don't know the purpose behind the song or the meaning that was intended for the song. The more I listen to it, the more I hear a prayer. Overall, it has been a stressful year for Brennon and I. And I have struggled with patience and trust. Everyone has hard times at one time or another. I know that in my moments of darkness, I fall to my knees. When it is hardest to pray, is when I seem to pray the most. So, whatever the meaning is for this song - I believe - I will wait for God.
I WILL WAIT - Mumford and Sons
And I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of darkness
Which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun.
And I'll kneel down
wait for now
I'll kneel down
know my ground
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
So break my step
And relent
You forgave and I won't forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
Now in some way
Shake the excess
But I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
So I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
That tethered mind free from the lies.
But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground
Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow
Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
This will bring me to my THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK - God gave me today, to rejoice and be glad in it. Another reason for my happy mood... I have today and I will make the most of it. My request for you.... Start today and take back your life. For me, this has been my renewed goal to exercise and be healthy, to love and be loved, and to have faith that God will bless us. Spring is a time for birth and for growth. Now is the time to look at what needs to be changed and work towards it. If it is important to you, you will find a way... if it is not you will find an excuse. I am on a journey and that journey is all mine. Find your journey - If you're waiting for a sign - this is it :)
Have a great week - Love, Melissa
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