February was Fantastic for Us!

HELLO FEBRUARY.....

Thanks for checking in on us this month AND what a busy month it was.  Sometimes, I wonder how moms that work full time do it.  I love my job every day and although the pay stinks, the reward is great.  I can't imagine doing all the things I do with Jase during the day - after work or on the weekends.  We have to much playing to do, to much learning to do, to many appointments to attend, and to much snuggling to do.  That being said, I once again proclaim that I love being a stay home mama.  It makes every sacrifice worth it - 

It has been a busy month, but a great month.  Jase has been healthy and happy all month.  He is 17 months actual  and adjusted to 13 months old.  He is happily walking around everything, walking with a push toy, and climbing up on couches and chairs with the assistance of his toys that he manipulates, to get him where he wants to go.  Jase got new shoes for valentine's day and we have also been trying out new PT tape to keep his legs aligned while crawling and walking.  His right leg is just a little stubborn and he wants to turn it out when walking.  He got his second synagis shot and I am pleased to say that we avoided RSV during its peak month this season. (Oh how excited we will be for spring!) 

Jase is wearing 18 month clothes and size 4 shoes.  He loves to eat new foods, but doesn't want to eat big amounts.  He is my little grazer - wanting to eat small amounts all day long.  He weighs just shy of 22 lbs and is very long and lean.  I believe he grows taller every day. Every one is happy with Jase's growth and I have to remind myself that we don't want a Michelan mascot for a baby.  Premature babies already struggle with obesity as they grow so we want to encourage good eating with healthy food.  Not sure if chicken strips and baked beans are healthy but Jase enjoyed every bit of his Elks Fish Fry meal in our living room. 

Jase loves books and he loves to "read" out loud.  We love to listen to him babble as he holds his book.  We also love to read to him.  How amazing that he can already point at pictures in a picture book for puppy, kitty, fish, monkey and pig.  We are so amazed at the wonderful things that our 23 weeker is doing.  We are also working on colors and shapes.  Some may say that Jase is to young, but I am a firm believer in making learning fun... and it is never to early to have fun.  Pointing at animals is an 18-24 month skill and Jase is only expected to do skills based on his adjusted age of 13 months.  Most of his skills are right on track for his adjusted age.  His comprehension and ability to learn are more advanced and his gross motor skills are a little behind.  What do you expect when a baby lived in an incubator for 17 weeks instead of his mama's belly.  Those muscles need stretched and scar tissue needs massaged.  His chronic lung disease forces him to work harder to breathe then a full-term baby. He also needs more time to catch up. A recent study shows that for every month early a premature a baby is - it takes that many years for them to catch up to their full-term peers.  So, really we can't even begin to compare him to a full-term child until he starts school. 4 months early would equal to a 4 year delay on some skills.  The great news is - his growth curve is steady and growing.  We couldn't ask for better news!

This just got real!  Do you see this little monkey?

Welcome to the world Baby Emma!  We were so excited to meet our baby cousin.  

Jase loved kissing the picture and talking to his sweet little cousin on the phone.

He wasn't so sure about her when he met her.

I told him not to be jealous - there is plenty of love to go around.

       

2.9.15 - Jase had a new play date!

Jase loved playing with Edward.  I can't wait until summer so we can have many more play dates!

My baby is growing up!

 Don't mind the crazy socks - Daddy dressed him and loves the SUPER HERO Socks.
Even when they don't match his outfit!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

2.14.15

 Look at this mouth full of teeth!

He has all of his teeth except his two year molars.  

He is currently working on completely cutting his top two 1 year molars AND boy are they stubborn.

2.23.15 - Random Cute Pictures in my new 18 month clothes! 

2.25.15 - Not everything in February was fantastic.  For those that don't follow us on Facebook, my Aunt Cyndi was rushed to the hospital a few days before Valentine's day.  Fearing that she had had a small heart attack they needed to do more tests after she fell. She was taken by ambulance to Des Moines.  Tests returned that she had not had a heart attack but she was still very weak from the flu as well as her high blood sugar.  It was not good news to hear that she had fell again on February 25th.  After being taken to the hospital again, it was found that she had 3 blood clots, one in her leg and one in each lung.  She was air lifted to Methodist in Des Moines and it was a very emotional day.  She is back in Creston now, recovering at the rehab part of Creston Nursing and Rehab.  Please continue to keep her in your prayers so that she can make a full and speedy recovery.  I know that her family just wants her to be healthy again and all prayers are appreciated.

Grandmas always have the best touch.  I am so thankful that my  Grandma Emma agreed to come to my house that afternoon.  Not only is Jase enjoying his afternoon nape, but I got some much needed cleaning and laundry done.  I always love her company, but after an emotional morning it was exactly what I needed.

2.27.15 - More Random Pictures from a very busy day.

LAST PICTURE OF FEBRUARY 2015 - 

I think Jase is sad to see February end.  I had to remind him that even better days are to come! 

Doesn't he realize that some of the best days of his life haven't even happened yet.

17 months/13 actual ... for a few more days!

Love, Melissa

Moments to Memories....

I had one of those moments.  The heart-wrenching, memory-filled, want to cry but don't have the tears kind of moment.  The moment when your breath catches in the back of your throat and it physically hurts to swallow.  Today, I had one of those moments - one of those days where I was physically and emotionally hit with memories.  It amazes me how a moment can change the way you think about your whole day.

I woke up this morning at 3:15 am - no reason really, other then I was wide awake.  I felt sad but I couldn't quite place my pain.  I picked up my iPad, tried to read a few pages of my book, checked out a few silly games, and then attempted to fall back to sleep.  Just as I was falling asleep - I heard the  monitor and Jase was screaming.  Not his normal I am awake cry, but the "get your butt in here, I am scared cry".  I picked him up and to the rocking chair we went.  We rocked, we sang and he would fall back to sleep until I tried to lay him down.... and then he screamed again.  This continued until 5:45 am.  At this point, I realized I wasn't sleeping in the chair, I was extremely uncomfortable and I had to wake reinforcements.  I handed Jase to Brennon, made him a bottle and found my way back to the bedroom and shut the door.  And I slept.  I slept better then I had in days. 

7:45 am - I woke up to Jase standing at the bed, screeching at the cat and Brennon stating he was going to put fuel in my car before going to work - In other words, he was telling me to it's time to get up. And Jase and I played.  Together, we pushed trains across the floor, spent time looking at animals in his favorite books, playing the drums, read more books, and honestly just relaxed on the living room floor. What a wonderful morning.  I realized in that moment again how blessed I truly am.   And what was even better, Jase was ready to nap.  As I gave him a bottle and pulled him on to my lap, he touched my face and I kissed his hand.  I sang "you are my sunshine"  and I couldn't finish the song.  I was wretched into memories.  Memories of rocking Carter in the funeral home while singing that song.  Memories of watching the doctors perform CPR on Kaleb, and the shake of the doctors's head as he handed me my lifeless baby.  Singing that exact song while giving my Kaleb his first and only bath.  Singing to Jase in the NICU before Brennon and I left each night.  Telling Brennon just one more minute so that Jase and I could pray together, gazing into the incubator one more time, praying for the chance to be able to do this ritual again the next day.  Praying that God would keep my little boy safe and hoping He would not choose that day to take my baby from me.  Promising myself every day, that all of my boys could feel my love no matter how far away we were.

And then I felt guilty - for handing Jase over to Daddy when all he really wanted was his mom to not put him down.  I know he settled into to Daddy's lap quickly after I went to bed, but still, I felt bad when I realized that I needed those snuggles as much as Jase did.  So, as I rocked him at nap time.  I told him stories of his brothers.  There isn't many stories to tell -  Time was just to short.  So, I have made up memories that we share.  Of how life would be if all three of my boys were running through my home and how tired I truly would be. The sound of their laughter and at times, as I sit in silence, I can almost hear it. And as I glanced at the calendar on the computer, I realized that today is the 19th.  My body knew before my mind did.  17 months ago today, we said goodbye to Kaleb.  In two days, it will be 30 months since we said goodbye to Carter.  Isn't it amazing how the date on a calendar, a time on the clock, the sweet words of a song can take you back in a moment and you didn't even realize it?

An Old Picture - But a Favorite Picture

Grief is such a funny thing.  It never goes away.  Time doesn't heal all wounds.  I wish I could stand on the mountain and tell that to everyone that is grieving.  Time does not heal but it does soften.  My moments, these true heart-wrenching moments happen less and less. The raw and rough emotions have been softened and most times I remember with a smile.  My memories, that at one point, tore me apart, kept me in bed, and made it difficult to function happen less often.   I can now talk about my boys, my memories, and my love with out the extreme pain.  But today, when those heart-wrenching moments happen, I have to remember to ride my emotions like the ocean.  I ride each wave of emotion, experiencing the heartache, remembering the love.  Afraid that if I don't ride the waves, it will drag me down and I will drown.

                         So today, I remember my Kaleb, my Carter and today I cherish my Jase.

I have heard many people tell me during a rough time, to always tell the ones around you that you love them, that you cherish them, that you should spend time with them instead of spending money on them. This needs to happen every day - not just when something bad happens. Please don't take life and its moments for granted.  I never expected to be who I am today.  I never imagined that I would be a baby loss mama.  I can't tell you how many times I wished for things to be different.  I wish I didn't know grief so intimately.  And as I write that, I know I have been guilty of not always making the right choice when it comes to spending time over spending money - but let me tell you every lesson in my life has led me to this moment.  Where if in doubt, I will always choose Jase.  I will choose family over work, time over money, deeds over words and love over anger.

 I will pray - I will believe, and I will LOVE.  

We are so extremely blessed with 3 little boys who have taught us more about life then I can put into words.  A huge shout out to my husband, who when I asked for reinforcements, got up, took a very tired baby from my arms and let me go to sleep and didn't complain once.  I love you Brennon Grant Zellmer - Always and Forever.  Thanks for being the one that shares this journey with me - you are strong in so many ways and a wonderful husband and father.  

We are blessed.  

Thanks for always choosing us.

And as I finished my blog, I stopped and I prayed.  I thanked God for helping me to heal while I write these words.  For giving me purpose and for never leaving us.  To God be the glory.  May he continue to hold us in His arms.  I promised when I found out that I was pregnant that I would always tell my children about His love. A quote that I heard once, but can't really remember. "Dear God, I can't hold Carter and Kaleb in my lap to tell them about You - Will You can hold them on your lap and tell them about me.  Please God help me to raise my child in the ways that he should go.  Give me the wisdom and the courage to always do what is right for him.  That he will one day have a wife, a family, and that he always turn to You for guidance - May my 23 week baby continue to overcome all odds, to become the child and one day man that he is supposed to be.

 In Jesus Name we Pray - Amen

As I wrote these words, the mailman delivered our mail and I received a package from my Aunt Sherry.  She sent us a Molly Bears Calendar.  How I wish I shared pictures of Jase with my Carter Bear and Kaleb Bear - Next year for sure.  As I lifted the front cover, I had tears again.  Happy tears, sad tears, they were all mixed together.  I love that she makes bears in memory of our boys and her babies.  I am glad that I received it in the mail today - I needed it today and  I LOVE YOU!!

Thanks for reading my words, my emotions, my feelings -

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed to us.  Romans 8:18

Until Next Time.....  Melissa

(I added some cute pictures - just because!)

CHICKEN CHOW MEIN :)

CLICK HERE: PRINT RECIPE

I love CHINESE FOOD - A big fan.  I always crave it on Mondays when the chinese restaurant in town is closed. That being said, my family always made our own chow mein recipe when I was a kid.  A few years ago, I begged my uncle for the recipe and have made it ever sense.  Why spend money on take out?  You can make it for cheap with ingredients that most people have sitting in the fridge or pantry.  Well, with the exception of the chow mein vegetables. That being said, I never know when the craving is going to hit, so I try to keep a few cans in my pantry.  The first time I made it for Brennon he loved it - so I am hoping that if you try it, you will love it too. 

This Recipe is Courtesy of Greg McCloud. 

He would tell you to throw all the ingredients in the pan and cook it - 

I think I should probably break down the recipe for you.

INGREDIENTS: 

- 2-3 chicken breasts
- 8-10 mushrooms sliced
- 1/2  onion diced
- 2 stalks of celery sliced thin
- 2 T soy sauce
- 1 tsp minced garlic OR garlic powder
- 1/2 tsp pepper
- 4 T oil
- 2 cans chicken broth
- 2 (14 oz) cans Chop Suey Vegetables (chow mein vegetables drained) -  
- 4 T cornstarch
- 1/4 cup water

 Remember, I am a pinch of this, dash of that cook - so add more or less to taste.

DIRECTIONS:

1. Heat oil in wok until hot.

2. Add chicken (cut in 1 inch chunks), mushrooms (sliced), onion(diced), celery (diced) all at once.

3. Add minced garlic, pepper and soy sauce.  Stir well.

4. Cook on high 5 minutes or until chicken is nice white color.  Lower temperature to medium.  
    Cook for 5-10 more minutes until veggies are tender and chicken is cooked through.

5. Add chicken broth and chow mein vegetables (drained), return heat to high and bring

    to a boil.

6. Mix corn starch and water and then stir into the chow mien.   

7. When chow mein is desired thickness remove from heat.

8. Make rice according to directions.

8. Pour chicken chow mein over rice (optional).

Bean Sprouts and Water Chestnuts

9. Serve and Enjoy!

Other options - Sometimes I add an extra can of bean sprouts, water chestnuts or bamboo shoots (drained) to the mixture.  It really  just depends how I am feeling when buying the ingredients.

Maybe I should find an egg roll recipe now...

JASER APPROVED! 

 What can I say - I made the kid beef macaroni and he refused to eat.  

He wanted sautéed mushrooms and bean sprouts. 

AND HE LOVED IT.

ENJOY :)

One Snowy Day....

Let It Snow

         Let It Snow

                 Let It Snow...

This weekend was the perfect weekend.  Saturday it started to snow and Sunday it started to blow!  Why is this exciting?  Ummm – because for a few hours I was snowed in with my family.  Also,  I have been waiting for a snow day so that I could have some awesome pictures of Jase in the snow.

Jase has experienced snow while he was in the NICU during 2013 – Jase experienced snow in 2014 from inside our house.  But, in 2015 Jase experienced the cold wet snow while it drifted from the sky!

Here are a few of my favorite pictures.....

Why So Many Layers of Clothes?

      

                                                                                 

Winter Snow 2015

What is This White Stuff?

Jase is so curious about this cold, wet white stuff.  

 Want to Catch Snowflakes With Your Tongue?

 

These pictures just want me to break out in song. 

If all the snowflakes were candy bars and milkshakes on what a snow that would be.  Standing outside with my mouth opened wide.  

AHHH AHHH - AHHH

ALL SMILES!

Jase loved the snow and I loved watching him experience it. What I wasn't expecting was the severe allergies that I have been experiencing since Sunday.  I thought the snow and cold was supposed to stop all allergies.  I guess the big tree in the back yard that was budding affected me more then I thought.  The last two days have been a busy day of nose blowing, sinus pill popping, nauseous tummy and drowsiness naps while caring for a grumpy, teething baby.  Why must Jase always get multiple teeth at once?  We sure wish Daddy could have stayed home form work to take care of us.  Although, he may have went crazy listening to us whine.  I am just hoping that this is allergy related and I am not contagious.  No more complaining -

We had a great weekend and we hope you did too!  

On Another Note – 

We Are Ready for More Snow!

Maybe tomorrow?