A Very Zellmer 2014 - Welcome to 2015

I posted a recipe the other day to my blog and realized that I haven't blogged in such a long time.  I really do miss it - but we never seem to have the time to sit down and write.  My house is picked up (sort of), the dishwasher has been started and the baby is asleep.  I am going to take some time to write.    It has been such a busy year that I can't really move forward without talking about all the things that happened in 2014 - So here is a 2014 Update - And a  wish for happy, healthy, blog-filled 2015!

Here we go!! Our 2014 Highlights --

Jase and Nurse Brittany

JANUARY - What an amazing month.  Jase began 2014 in the NICU at Blank Children's Hospital.  We were so thankful that we scrimped and saved so that Brennon could stay with Jase and I at the hospital since Jase and Kaleb's birth in September.  We spent New Year's Eve in Jase's room, waiting for the ball to drop as a family.  Of course, Jase slept right through his midnight feeding and Brennon and I made our wish for a happy and healthy year.  2013 had been such a year of emotions.  Our first full year without Carter - the announcement of twins, the boys' births and saying goodbye to Kaleb.  2013 was one of the hardest years of my life, but also the most blessed.  It is easy to look back on it now and say that we were blessed because we had three beautiful babies, one of which we could hold and love, and two that would forever be in our hearts.  We had family who had went above and beyond to help us in anyway they could.  Friends who loved us and prayed for us and acquaintances and strangers who poured love and blessings to us through Facebook, cards, letters and support.  Jase had his hernias repaired January 7th and the only thing keeping Jase at the hospital was learning how to eat.  They told us the entire time we were in the NICU that eating would seem to take forever because it would be the only thing holding us back from going home.  I think that I had always prepared myself for  a g-tube because he was a 23 week baby with immature lungs.  Little did I know he would shock us all and declare that he could eat full bottles all with a little bit of oxygen support.   We were so blessed to go home on January 19, 2014 - After 4 1/2 months of living at the Ronald McDonald House we were ready to go home.  A home that I had not been to since going on hospital bed rest in August.  

Dr Riley and Jase

January 19th is just another day in history that I will never forget.  It was the day we went home - but 4 months prior on September 19th, Kaleb also went home to be with Jesus.  Both of my boys left the NICU on the 19th.  How strange, that I always loved that they both went home on the 19th - each month it will have a special reminder in my heart.  We said goodbye to doctors and nurses who we had gotten to know during our time at Blank.  My heart will always be grateful for the people that gave me my world - who worked so hard to give me a gift that I would never be able to repay.  Dr Riley was our admitting doctor on September 3, 2013 and he was our discharge doctor on January 19, 2014.  Please don't tell him I put his picture on my blog - I had to promise not to put it on Facebook.  We stood at the entrance/exit to the NICU, and I cried.  Not because I was sad, not because I was scared or nervous, but because I was taking my baby home.  Like I had said many times before, it was the first time I would take a baby to my home instead of handing him over to a funeral home employee.  I knew what we needed to do next - We were going home to raise a baby into a little boy, into a young man who would know how much he was loved, cherished and blessed.   

The first few days were overwhelming.  I don't think Brennon and I slept much that first night.  We cuddled and prayed and we thanked God for allowing us to start this next step in our journey.  We spent the next two weeks at home - where oxygen tanks, saturation and oxygen monitors, 22 calorie formula and doctor appointments became our life.  And honestly we were just thankful to be home. 

FEBRUARY - Another very busy month.  We were busy adjusting to our new life at home with a baby.  A very special baby who many would consider to be medically fragile. We were home bound - meaning that we didn't go out with Jase unless it was for doctor appointments.  Brennon was busy adjusting to going back to work full time and Jase and I were busy adjusting to life at home.  I was officially a stay home mama and I have to admit I loved it - but wow did we miss Daddy!  Jase saw Jill for Physical Therapy while we were in the hospital and we were extremely thankful to be able to continue that consistency for Jase by attending PT with her after discharge.  He had his first follow up appointment with Jill in February and we had our first snow storm at home.  Brennon was amazing and he got up with Jase many nights and I have to admit, after spending all day with Jase, it was nice for a little break!! In February, Jase had his very first (and so far only) Emergency Room Visit.  A few days after his 4 month shots, he choked on his bottle and a few days later he was still wheezy, labored breathing and quick retractions.  After albuterol treatments and a phone call to the pulmonologist, it was recommended to take him to the ER.  Due to the snowy weather and unadvised travel to Des Moines,  we made a trip to Greater Regional Medical Center because the pulmonologist was afraid he may have aspirated on his bottle.  An hour later, we had an x-ray and a bottle in the ER, another albuterol treatment and Jase was better.  Unknown what caused it, it was deemed a bronchospasm - but looking back he would have this every time he had shots.  When we got home we realized it was Valentine's Day!  It was the perfect day to cuddle and realize again how blessed we were.  

Jase with Nurse Courtney

MARCH - We thought March would bring warmer weather - but we were told we would have to be home bound for awhile longer.  We were excited to have been home for 2 months and still Jase was happy and healthy.  At the beginning of the month,

Jase with Nurse Laci

Jase had his follow up appointment with the Pediatric Cardiologist and it was reported that his pulmonary valve stenosis had improved and we didn't have to return for 6 months.  We were continuing with PT and the best news for Mama's birthday was from the pulmonologist - Jase could be off oxygen during the day! We couldn't wait to take pictures with a sweet little face free from oxygen tubes!  We also visited the NICU and saw some of our favorite nurses.  March was rough on Jase as he really struggled with his reflux this month - but no worries - we ended the month at 12 lbs 11.5 oz.  March was also really tough on this Mama - the fear of cold and flu, kept us all home as much as possible and many days it felt like the walls of my house would close in on me.  I couldn't wait for Daddy to come home so I could have a few minutes of alone time.  Little did I realize at the time, I was also finally processing my grief of loosing Kaleb.  I grieved from the moment we said goodbye, but in the rush of protecting, advocating and worrying about Jase I skipped many of those emotional steps of grieving.  I have never been so thankful that I have such a supportive husband.  I think the the stress must have gotten to both of us because this month was the only time in our relationship that I ever really remember going to bed mad at him.  We never fought, but the days of being home, the isolation and loneliness of our friends and family was really getting to us.  We celebrated my 34th birthday and prayed that nice weather would soon be here!

Jase in Daddy's Baby Clothes 3/10/14

APRIL - This month, Jase was 7 months old.  If born on his due date, Jase would have been 3 months old and I would have been going back to work after maternity leave.  The last 12 weeks flew by.  Jase continued with physical therapy and I was busy driving him to his appointments twice a month.  He was usually really excited to see Jill until he realized that she makes him work!  He started working on the big orange ball.  He is working rolling over and breathing with his diaphragm not his shoulders and we continued to massage all of those scars.  When Jase was born, he was allowed to lay and breathe however he wanted to for survival.  Now we were working on retraining his body to do it the right way.  He also had his 6 month shots and although we didn't end up in the ER or Urgent Care - we knew that he would have a harder time breathing and we stayed ahead of the game by doing albuterol treatments every 4-6 hours.  We  still were home-bound, but we are looked forward to the day that we could go out and about and explore!  We finally figured out that prilosec and zantac was the answer to Jase's reflux and we watched him eat huge amounts.  We ended the month with many springtime walks outside.  We loved to walk to Great Grandma's house and visit.  We always took our oxygen because humidity and allergens were not good for Jase's lungs. In April, Jase started sitting in his high chair to play and he loves to watch mom and dad eat!  Jase ended the month at 13 lbs 10 oz!!

MAY - Jase is 8 months old.  Say WHAT? How was Jase 8 months old already? He loves playing with his daddy and he loves taking walks outside!  We started the month by participating in the March of Dimes Walk for Babies at DMACC campus in Des Moines -    We were so excited to share the day with our friends and family and celebrate babies.  It was the first time that we took Jase somewhere that wasn't to a doctor or follow up appointment.  Let's just say - I had the dip and dodge move down any time someone tried to touch him.  Another exciting milestone, Jase rolled over! It was so amazing to see Jase meet those milestones that we wondered if he would ever meet.  Babies that are born extremely premature are at risk for health and disabilities, and so far, Jase is doing everything we ask of him, just at a slower pace then most babies.  I have to remind myself that if born on his due date - he would only be 4 months old.  At the end of the month, Jase met family members that had yet to meet him, when we all got together for Memorial Day Weekend.  We even had house guests and Jase loved spending time with all of his family.  We were so thankful that Uncle Greg and Aunt Belinda could stay with us and all of our other family that met him. We even took a trip to the Freedom Rock in Greenfield as our first family outing out of town.  It was a great month with Jase and we were pumped that we no longer had to be home-bound.  We were very excited that Jase ended the month at 15 lbs and 3 oz!  

JUNE - Jase had an amazing 9 month appointment in June.  His growth curve, although compared to other children his age is low, but he continued to follow his own curve.  And more exciting news - Jase could be of oxygen all the time now.  Of course, we always monitored him closely, because a whiff of oxygen at night was nothing if it meant continued health and development.  And with spring allergies and humidity, it was always a good thing to have around.  We started taking Jase outside and  introducing him to friends and family.   Jase went to church for the very first time and loved hearing Pastor Tim preach.  Emalie even took him down front for the children's message.  He was amazed by the people and loved the music best.  This month, Jase also started eating cereal - Jase loved his food....  I am so thankful that we waited to start cereal until Jase had started eating big amounts with his bottle allowing his belly longer to mature.  I am so very thankful that we practiced eating and playing with our textured spoons and toothbrushes prior to starting cereal.  Jase ate huge amounts with the bottle ending each day around 30 oz.  We were excited to celebrate Father's Day and we took Daddy to Casa for dinner.  I remember it being so odd that we were going out to eat with Jase.  We were so used to being home bound, we forgot what it was like to eat in a restaurant.  Jase began sitting "almost"  unassisted.  Jase ended the month at 16 lbs.   :)

JULY - What an amazing month. We love the 4th of July!  It was even better to be able to celebrate the day with Jase.  He loved the parade and the BBQ with friends afterwards. The fire trucks were definitely his favorite!   Jase got his first tooth and a week later Jase got his second tooth. This month,  Brennon and I got our tattoo in memory of Kaleb - We were able to celebrate the wedding of James and Emalie in Des Moines.  It was the first time Jase stayed in a hotel and he loved it.  He was mesmerized by the fountain at the Sheraton and he loved meeting new family and playing with his cousins.  At the end of the month, Jase was sitting all by himself and weighing in at 17 lbs 8 oz.

AUGUST - No need to let his smiles fool you - Jase was all about crabby this month.  He wanted to cuddle, sleep and chew on EVERYTHING!  He even made me find creative ways to feed him because it hurt to eat.  Yep, Jase was getting new teeth and I was close to feeding him with a medicine syringe.  Two of his top teeth popped through and he was busy cutting a third tooth.  By the end of the month, Jase had 5 teeth!!  We were also blessed to tell Jase all about his brother Carter and we celebrated Carter's 2nd Birthday on August 21st.  It is always hard not to have flashbacks from that day - and I am sure I will always replay the entire day, hour by hour and at some times minute by minute!  We sent balloons to Heaven, ate cake and Carter sent Jase a present (Mom and Dad knew exactly what Carter would have bought Jase for his birthday.)  We also spent the next day in Des Moines, going out to lunch, shopping and cooking enchiladas and tacos at the Ronald McDonald House.  A big thanks to Uncle James and Aunt Emalie for helping us cook.  We were also extremely busy planning Jase's birthday party.  Jase was still growing and ended the month at 18 lbs 4 oz.

Some more of my favorite August Pictures!

 This mama took Jase shopping with Grandma Lindley for Back to School Clothes - and just like when Mama was little - she talked Grandma into buying her some super cute clothes.  We also had our last get together in Grandpa and Grandma Zellmer's house.

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JASE IS ONE!  Calling all SUPER Heroes!

SEPTEMBER - 

Jase and Kaleb Turn 1!

Lucky Jase... We began the month with a birthday party!  He had a big birthday party with all of his family and friends on Labor Day Weekend and he had a small family birthday party on his September 3rd birthday!  Jase couldn't forget about his brother Kaleb. We sent balloons to Heaven and Mama helped Jase write Kaleb a note telling him how much we missed him.  

This month, we also celebrated Jase's "almost crawling" and waited for him to get his legs underneath him.  He can kick, push, and roll really well.  He also loved to stand with assistance.  Jase had his 1 year appointment with the Pediatric Cardiologist, the Eye Doctor and his Pediatrician.  Good News September - Jase doesn't have to see the Cardiologist again until he is two.  If everything is status quo he will be discharged from care at that time.  Jase saw the Eye Doctor and it was reported that Jase's eye sight was perfect and we don't have to go back until he starts preschool.  Jase continued to grow and grow! He continued to gain weight, but it was also noted, that Jase had his very first ear infection.  This is what was causing the nasal congestion during the month.  The congestion didn't slow Jase down - he was still smiling and rolling everywhere.  He loved eating cereal and hated baby food unless Mama made it.  His favorite foods were mashed potatoes and peas.  Two weeks after the antibiotics for Jase's ears - we went back to the doctor due to congestion and to ensure that we stayed on the healthy train.  We went to find out that he had another ear infection.  We were extremely thankful that the congestion was only in his nose and sinuses and not his lungs.  Jase got his 6th tooth and between the teething, congestion and ear infections.  Jase was one tough cookie.

Such a bittersweet month. We are so very blessed to celebrate the boys' birth, but we also remember Kaleb.  We miss him so much.  The hardest part is watching Jase and knowing that he should have his brother here with him.  We were supposed to cook at the Ronald McDonald House in honor of Kaleb and his angelversary - Due to Jase's ear infection, we felt it was best not to have him at the house and we ordered Jimmie Johns for all of the housemates.  Next year for sure!!  


OCTOBER - This month was all about food.  He was all about the real food and wanted to put every food that we ate into his mouth.  He loved cheese soup during this month, steak and potatoes, especially baked potato casserole.  We were back the pulmonologist and he continues to be very happy with Jase's lungs and the progress he is making!  

In October, we also remembered all the babies gone to soon.  We lit candles for Carter and Kaleb.  Because of Carter and Kaleb, we were blessed to meet another mom on Facebook who had triplets at 24 weeks, and said goodbye to two of her boys during this time.  Jase and I thought it would be nice to light candles for them too, because their mama was still at Blank in the NICU with her sweet Joshua.  It was a sweet and emotional day.  I am so glad that we celebrate our babies every day, in everything we do. I am also thankful for special days like this.  It reminds us that we are not alone and we must be a support to other moms and families that have had to experience this devestating heartbreak.  

Jase really took off army crawling this month and a short week later, Daddy, Jase and I watched a youtube video of a baby crawling to the computer and I kid you not, Jase did it!  Of course, he was crawling to a dirty diaper.  Halloween was on  a PT day, so Jase dressed up as Charlie Brown for Jill.  We also went to the pediatricians again, to find out that Jase had yet another ear infection.  The poor kid's ears can't catch a break.  Jase also dressed up and went to Grandma and Grandpa Zellmer's house and was really upset that he couldn't visit Grandma Lindley because she was sick.  October flew by and Jase ended the month at 19 lbs and 31 inches long.

learning to crawl with youtube :)

NOVEMBER -  Jase was 19 lbs 3 oz at the beginning of the month - He was still growing and crawling everywhere.   November was a great month to participate in the #30daysofthanks where we documented some of the most important things in our life that we were and are thankful for.  A perfect time to remind ourselves that we are more thankful for the people in our lives then the things in our lives.  I have to share, I never thought that I would be able to stay home from work and be a stay home mom.  My paychecks paid the bills.  I had not worked 16 months and we may not have everything we want but we have everything we need.  We might have to stretch our money from week to week, or not go out to eat, but we have made it work.  I am so blessed to be the biggest teacher in my son's life.  November also means TURKEY - We were excited to spend Thanksgiving with family!  Many of our family traveled back to Iowa to spend time together and it was a great time for us and for Jase.

Rock Bottom Brewery

DECEMBER - This month came quickly. Jase is walking around everything and still suffering from crazy ear infections. After every antibiotic necessary, we met with an ENT and it was decided that Jase should have tubes in his ears.  Daddy took his birthday off from work to spend the day in Des Moines with Jase and Mama at the doctor.  I even put my fear of cold and flu behind me and allowed Jase to eat in a restaurant.  We enjoyed Daddy's birthday lunch and Jase did great.  Thankfully we chose a non-busy restaurant at a non-busy time.  Then, on December 19th, Daddy and I took Jase to Des Moines to be at the surgery center by 6:30 am - Prep was quick at 6:45 and surgery was at 7 am.  15 minutes later the doctor came to say everything went well and Jase was ready for us.  We were home that day by 9:15 am.  I remember one of the nurses looking at me and telling me that I was surprisingly calm while my child fussed and refused his bottle.  She then reported she never saw mama this together during a  first time ear procedure.  Brennon and I looked at each other and I told her that we spent 138 days in the NICU, with two surgery procedures, and many moments of intense praying that he would make it through the night, this was nothing.  She looked at me and said, "you got this - if you are sure he will eat when you get home, just go."  And on the road we went.  We came home to quickly realize that Jase was cutting his bottom molars.  Between ear infections, tubes and teeth, it was decided that mom and dad would never sleep again.  But our child was healthy and happy so that was all that mattered.

Christmas at the Zellmer's.....Oh how wonderful it was to have Christmas at our house.  To hear Jase's giggles and experience Christmas with him. And we are SO SO  excited for many more celebrations with him.  On Christmas Eve, Grandpa and Grandma Lindley, and Aunt Cynthia came for supper.  Brennon did an amazing job with the prime rib and Jase got way to many toys, clothes and blankets.  It was definitely more fun for us to give the gifts and watch Jase rip the paper, watch his facial expressions and spend time together then the actual presents!  On Christmas Morning, we spent the morning with just Jase and he had a great time opening his present to Mama.  Daddy helped Jase pick out pandora charms for Mama's bracelets - including a twin charm and an angel charm.  Jase got his Daddy a personalized Daddy coffee mug.  I don't think Daddy has drank coffee out of any other mug since Christmas.  And on Christmas afternoon, we went to Grandpa and Grandma Zellmer's for appetizers and family.  Jase and Bradie loved to play together and it was fun to see them and Lidia get excited over their gifts!  And, there was absolutely no shortage of food.  It was a great holiday.

And not only did we have a great Christmas with family but we also celebrated SHOULD HAVE BEEN Birthdays -  It always amazed me that both of my pregnancies were conceived on the same day  - making our due date the same day.  How crazy was it to find out that Carter was due on December 28, 2012 but Jase and Kaleb were due December 28, 2013.  

Brennon and I spent the day apart on April 8, 2014!!

What better way to celebrate Carter, Jase and Kaleb but with a SHOULD HAVE BEEN party.  I mean this date is a date that they will have in common forever.   And we had cake!

December 28, 2014

Look at the difference a year makes - 2014 was a year of blessings.  It wasn't always easy but it was worth it.  I remember many nights to exhausted to sleep, but to tired to do anything else - laying in bed wondering why this was my life.  And as I sit here today as we embark on 2015, I realize that this is my journey and I wouldn't change it for anything!  I can't wait to see what 2015 has in store for us.  Praying for amazing blessings for all of our friends and family.  Thank you for reading my blog - I decided that I wasn't the best about keeping a baby book - so this blog would remind me of the important milestones that happened this year.  If you would like to follow more of Jase's journey - Join Prayers for Team Zellmer on Facebook.  :)  I hope we didn't bore you to much - Here's to 2015!                       Love, Melissa

Chicken and Dumplings

CLICK HERE - PRINT RECIPE

Everyone has been asking for this recipe.  Honestly, I have made it different every time, so I had to recreate the recipe one more time to write down the directions.  I have always been a dash of that and a pinch of this cook - so feel free to add more or less to taste.... 

Also, this is the easy version of my chicken and dumplings.

Ingredients:

1 Whole Chicken Breast (or 1 small whole chicken)

8 Cups of Water / 2 tsp of Chicken Seasoning/per cup water (or you can use chicken broth)

1 lb bag of Baby Carrots Sliced 

3-4 Celery Stalks Sliced

1 Medium Onion Diced

1 Stick Real Butter
1 Package of Homestyle Biscuits

Flour

Parsley, Paprika, Black Pepper

           

1.  Let's make this really easy!  Pull out the crockpot in the morning. Add chicken, 4 cups of water and 8 tsp of chicken seasoning to the crockpot.  Turn crockpot on high for 2-4 hours or on low for 4-6.  (If using a whole chicken - don't add the water.  Just put the thawed chicken in the crockpot - it will create its own juices to cook in.)  Season chicken with parsley.   Leave it alone until chicken is completely cooked.

2.  Once the chicken is done, remove from crockpot and set aside to cool. Shred chicken. (and obviously debone if you are using a whole chicken.)

3.  Grab a large pot.  Pour the chicken broth into the large pot.  Add diced celery, onions and sliced carrots to the broth.  (Feel free to just add them to crock pot in the morning if you are in a hurry.)  Bring to a boil until veggies are soft.  Season with parsley and black pepper. Stir well.

4.  Add Chicken.  Mix well.

5.  At this point, you will probably need more chicken broth.  Add the remaining 4 cups of water and the appropriate chicken seasoning.  (If using a whole chicken - you will probably want to use 6 cups of water - but judge by the amount of broth your chicken produced.)  Also add a stick of butter and allow to melt. 

6.  Remove biscuits from the can.  Separate the 8 biscuits and flatten.  I cut them into 4's for bigger biscuits.  When I ask Brennon to help me, he cuts them smaller.

7.  Roll biscuits in flour - Bring mixture back to a boil.  Add the flour covered biscuits to the mixture.  Cook for 5 minutes, and turn the biscuits over.  They are now considered to be a dumpling.  Stir well -  Lower temperature to low, cover and cook for 20 minutes.  Stir often so that it does not stick to the bottom of the pan.

8.  After approximately 20 minutes, uncover, stir, and check dumplings.  They should be cooked all the way through.  You can tell by cutting into one, as they shouldn't be doughy in the middle.  The flour on the dumpling should have thickened the sauce.  Add a teaspoon of flour until desired consistency or you can add a can of cream of chicken soup.  It will thicken as it sits. Sprinkle with  more parsley and a little paprika!  

9.  Serve and Enjoy!!

JUST A THOUGHT - I have a recipe for homemade dumplings that I will try and post later - This is the easy recipe by using the homestyle biscuits and let's face it, with our busy lives every one wants easy right! I have made this a few different ways and my favorite is with a whole chicken, a pain to debone but a richer taste.  You can also omit the butter, but I think it adds a certain flavor that we like.  Also feel free to add everything to the crockpot in the morning - and transfer to a large pot in the evening to make the dumplings.   I will encourage you to make this recipe a few times and then make it your own by adding ingrediants/seasonings that you like.

Feel free to comment and let me know what you think!  

Melissa  :)

BACON, HAM AND CORN CHOWDER - AMAZING!!

A must have comfort meal - Perfect for a cold winter day.  As always, I took a couple of recipes and incorporated my own cooking flare - simplified the recipe and practiced making it a few times.  You may find a recipe that is close - but not as good as this one!!

PS - This is not weight watcher friendly!

Bacon, Ham and Corn Chowder Recipe

- 5 Thick Cut Bacon Slices (Chopped)
- 1 Medium Yellow Onion (Finely Diced)
- 2-3 Stalks of Celery (Finely Diced)
- 1 or 2 T of Minced Garlic (To Your Taste) or 2 Garlic Cloves if you choose
- 1 stick of Real Butter (Unsalted is best for this recipe)
- 6 Large Red Skin Potatoes - (Diced into Bite Size Pieces) Small Pieces are Important!
- 2 (14.5 oz) cans of Sweet Corn (Drained)
- 1 Ham Steak (cubed) - Turkey Ham can be substituted
- 8 oz Original Cream Cheese (Must be room temp) - Buy two packages just in case!
- 1 can Condensed Cream of Celery Soup
- 2 T of Cooking Sherry (Can substitute with 1/2 Cup of White Wine)
- 4 Cups of Water
- 3 Chicken Bouillon Cubes (Low Sodium can be substituted because of  the salty ham/bacon.)
- 3 Bay Leaves
- 2 T of Italian Seasoning (More or Less to Taste)
- 2 T of Parsley - (More or Less to Taste - I like more - Fresh Parsley is also really good!)
- Black Pepper and Salt to Taste

I use a large cast iron soup pot, but any large cooking pot should work.

1.  In a large soup pot - Melt 2 Tablespoons of Butter on Medium Heat.  Add in Chopped Bacon, Onions, Celery and Garlic.  Sprinkle with 1 Tablespoon Parsley and 1 Tablespoon Italian Seasoning and Black Pepper.  Cook the bacon stirring often with a wooden spoon.  (Wooden Spoon is only important if you are using a cast iron pot.)



2.  Once Bacon is cooked and crispy, and you have a good amount of fat on bottom of pan, stir in 2 Tablespoons of Cooking Sherry.  Make sure to mix well and scrape any bits from bottom of the pan.  Cook for 2-3 Minutes.


3.  Add in Ham and Corn - Stir Well

4. Add in Potatoes - Stir Well


5.  Add in Cream of Celery Soup, 1 package of the room temperature Cream Cheese diced - Stir Well

6.  Add in 4 cups of Water and Chicken Bouillon Cubes.  Add Bay Leaves. Sprinkle with Fresh Ground Pepper and Remaining Parsley and Italian Seasoning. Feel free to add more to taste.  Add remaining butter and Stir Well.

7. Lower Temperature to Low Setting.  Cover and Cook for an hour.  Stir occasionally to ensure mixture melts/mixes well.  (After an hour, remove lid and taste for seasonings.  Add more to taste.) Every recipe I have looked at, says to add salt, BUT, I don't.   I think the other seasonings do a great job.  Soup is cooked when potatoes are soft and everything is mixed/melted together.  If the soup is to runny or to chicken soup tasting - add the 2nd package of cream cheese.  I sometimes get carried away with the water.)  This should be a thick and creamy soup.  I always let it simmer for an extra 1/2 hour.  Remove Bay Leaves and Serve.

This is one of my favorite soups.  It is rich, full of texture and taste.  It is amazing that day - but even better the next day!  I encourage you save some of the leftovers for lunch the next day.  Or cook at night and warm up the next day. It will be a thicker consistency the next day but the flavors mix together making it really good.  I serve with garlic bread or warm crusty bread.  (Day Old Jimmy Johns Bread sliced and placed in the oven with butter WORKS great!)

ENJOY!! 

Feel free to comment and let me know what you think!!  Melissa

The Face That I Wear is Grief

I keep making promises saying that "I'm Back".. but yet I don't quite have the emotions to act on it (or maybe the time).  I have always used my blog as a sense of healing for me.  I started it a few months after Carter was born when the grief was unbearable and the time passed to slow.  Now, over a year later, I wear many faces and for now, the face I wear is grief.  How is that possible?  I have a beautiful baby and a wonderful marriage and a supportive and amazing husband.  How is it that the one emotion that overcomes me is grief?  Maybe I should investigate my heart…

Well, lets see - There is the obvious… 

I grieve for my children. I grieve because I have said goodbye to two babies in 13 short months.  I grieve that I can't hold them or see them and that Jase will never know his brothers.  This is an easy one.  I know that I grieve for them… but more then that, I grieve for me.  How selfish right?  But it is true.  There are days when I feel like my life has been ripped out from underneath my feet.  Nothing seems to be easy and sometimes, I find myself in the bathroom with my head in my hands silently yelling at God.  I have heard all of the stories before, the teacher is always quiet during a test….  God gives His biggest battles to His strongest soldiers.  There are many of those sayings that I have used over and over again to make things seem okay.  But lately, I yell to God.  I yell at Him to help me.  To tell me that He hasn't left us and that these feelings, these motions that I go through each and every day is for a reason.  Because, no matter how many times, I look to the Heavens, I have to believe that there is a reason. There has to be a reason why I have felt so much heart ache. I can't wait to stand before Him one day and ask… but even in that, I know that in all of His greatness, I may never understand the purpose of His plan.

So, in order to Let Go - I have to first examine the feelings that I feel - How Dr Suess of Me… I remember being told that I would have twins.  I remember looking at the ultrasound tech and reporting to her over and over again - "I can't have twins… my body can't handle one baby without help.. how can it handle two?"  I remember being reassured that with a cerclage, with monitoring and with help I could deliver two healthy baby boys.  So I decided to trust.  I remember going to work and feeling torn between providing for my family and for staying home in bed where I felt most comfortable.  I remember many days with my feet up in a chair, or lying flat in bed, crying because I was scared, and I remember saying, "I refuse to say goodbye to another child." I remember family members and friends telling me that everything would be okay… that it happened for other people, and even though I had a fear deep down inside that something bad would happen, I decided to trust. I remember thinking to myself that God wouldn't give me twins to take one or both of them away, so I decided to trust.  To declare that it was my time for God's blessings.  I remember on Carter's birthday, feeling weird sensations that I would later find out were contractions, but not knowing so,  because I had never had one with Carter.  I remember the week on bed rest, when I knew that I wouldn't make it to the third trimester and hoping and praying that I would at least make it to 24 weeks, because in everyone's mind - viability was not until 24 weeks and my children only had minimal chance of survival if any at all at 23 weeks.  I pause to think about the moment when they told me that Jase was breech and would die during delivery.  How do you prepare to say goodbye to a child without having hope that a miracle would happen?  I was told to prepare myself and that our goal was to keep Kaleb inside. Therefore, spending each moment in agony as we tried to keep babies inside of me for just a few more days. I grieved during those days too, knowing that it might be my last few days with both of my boys.   I remember the late nights in my room, to uncomfortable to sleep, but pleading with God, to bless me with 2 beautiful children, to pass over my room with grief and hardship.  Praying that if I was blessed with a miracle that I would share my story with others. I remember overwhelming peace and the feelings of everything would be okay. I remember the happiness that I felt when they told me Jase was no longer breech and that there was no medical explanation for it, and I wondered what was God's plan?    I remember being taken to the OR for delivery and not knowing whether my babies would live once they were delivered. I remember the fear on my husbands face, and for a moment I grieved for him, because I did not want to see the grief and hurt that I had seen on his face for so many months prior.  I remember delivering Jase and then hearing that Kaleb's heart rate had dropped and I would have an emergency c-section. I remember the panic I felt when I woke up in the recovery room, not knowing the outcome of my babies delivery.

The next few days were a blur.  Every day was something new, some awful news of infection, or to much oxygen and not enough saturation,  not knowing what to do for my children or medical terms I didn't understand.   I kept looking to God for answers, and I continued to pray.  All I did was trust and pray.  My faith and my God carried me through.   The NICU journey is not an easy one - especially for parents with critically ill babies, or a baby with very little chance for survival.  I remember after Kaleb died, wondering when Jase would be next.  I grieved, but I grieved differently.  I grieved because I did in fact have to say goodbye to another baby and I grieved because from that moment on I lived in fear that  I would also say goodbye to Jase.  I know that faith is fear that has said it's prayers.  I know that I should let go and let God.  I knew all of those things…but it is easier said then done when you are faced with overcoming great obstacles every day… when you sit down and wonder, even on your strongest day, how to keep moving forward.  But you do, because in all reality, what choice do you have? Prayer is what kept me moving forward, even the fear of the unknown was a little easier after I prayed about it. I remember rushing home the day before Jase was discharged, to get my home ready, in complete panic and shock that I was bringing a baby home to my house.  Let me say it again...To my house, for the first time in my life, I did not have to hand my baby over to the funeral home employee.  I was going to put Jase in his car seat and take him home…. and I grieved.  I grieved for last 4 1/2 months that I spent in the hospital fighting for my baby.  Saying goodbye to doctors, who had fought just as hard to keep Jase here with me.  It was hard to say goodbye to nurses who through sweat and tears, laughter and friendship, worked hard every day to give Jase every opportunity for life. Not every opportunity in life but every opportunity for life.  I remember praying multiple times a day - but the hardest words to come out of my mouth were, "Your will be done", because honestly, I was scared of God's will.  I remember the day that I was able to finally mouth the words quietly in room 212 - Your will be done.  I remember the weight lifted from my shoulders and the tears flowed down my cheeks as I called Brennon who was at work to tell him that Jase and I missed him.  And I put my head in my hands and I thanked God for carrying me through.

And that is where I realized what I grieved.  I grieved the full-term pregnancy I never got to experience and all of the traditions that comes with it… preparing a nursery, packing a bag for the hospital, having  baby shower, watching my husband's face as our babies were born into this world (maybe even cutting the cord - do they still do that?)and even holding my baby right after birth.  I grieved… and I grieve.  I easily become angry when I hear other pregnant moms complain about their pregnacy, there swollen belly, and the disgusting glucose test that I never got to experience.  I grieved when I heard other pregnant moms wish for their babies to come early, when all of my prayers were for a full term 40 week pregnancy resulting in healthy babies.

I love spending every moment with Jase and I love all of those things a mother does.. but I grieve.  I grieve the dream of being a stay home mom.  The dream of play dates, and walking the track at the YMCA. Of taking my child to the coffee shop and going for stroller rides, and that if I need to go to Wal-Mart, we run out for groceries, so that I can cook an amazing Sunday dinner for my family.  Because the reality is, I don't get to do those things because we are in isolation during cold and flu season and I am now afraid of germs.  I am afraid of bringing home a virus or the flu which because of my child's premature lungs could be life threatening.  I crave human contact, having an adult conversation with a friend, or a healthy visitor to tell me what is happening in the world.  (Because we all know you shouldn't watch the news.) I now worry about keeping track of how much my child is eating and if he is gaining weight.  I feed him to have him projectile vomit while glancing at him and then the monitor to make sure his breathing is not affected by his reflux.  I hold him upright after eating, before working on physical therapy and praying that the next bottle he takes won't be another fight and another fear of an oral aversion… And, lets face it, I didn't even realize there was such a thing as an oral aversion prior to having Jase. We now have visitors to our house 2-3 times a week and doctor's appointments in Des Moines on most of the other days. I grieve because I want Jase to be a normal baby ... And most days, I grieve because Jase believes this to be normal… So I hug him and kiss him and pray with him many times during the day, so that even when being poked and prodded he will always know what love feels like. 

I grieve my job.  I grieve the human interaction and the satisfaction of bringing home a paycheck.  I grieve because the choice was taken away from me.  Jase can't go to daycare and finding a home provider that understands all of his cares is to expensive.  I grieve because we are now living off of one paycheck when it was my paycheck that paid the majority of the bills.  I grieve because we are so poor.

I grieve for the stress that all of this has put on my relationship with Brennon.  I am thankful that we have a strong relationship.  I am told that the first reason for divorce is the loss of a child.  Well, we have had two losses… and I am told the second reason is an extended NICU stay.  Both of those have been hard, but we have grown as a couple in our times of hardship.  And now, we find a new reason to be strong and that is Jase.  It is not easy being the parent of a micro-preemie, when you are dealing with oxygen tanks, saturation levels, physical therapy and cardiologist appointments.  It is hard to see Jase in pain each night, refusing to eat and the doctors say that it is no big deal - that he is still gaining weight… when everything we have been told is to have a positive eating experience for Jase.  It is hard to have multiple doctors who each have difference of opinions on what Jase needs to be successful.  But we will move forward because that is what we do.  Ultimately trying to make the decisions that are best for Jase.

Last but not least, I grieve  most for the unknown.  We have heard it all for Jase.  We have heard that he will have developmental delays, that he may have physical delays, sensory delays or social delays.  But overall, that it is unheard of for a 23 week baby/child to be a completely normal child… and yet I don't grieve for that.   I know that my precious baby is a miracle, and it reminds me of the song - "I Saw God Today." I still believe that Jase will continue to amaze us, as he already has. How many 23 week babies are meeting milestones at their adjusted age, already off oxygen during the day, and showing us the strength and will he has to overcome all obstacles.  I know that God made Jase perfectly for His purpose and that we are blessed with an amazing, strong baby. I will love him for who he is and the obstacles that he has overcome.  I pray that each of you see him as I do, and that the people of the world, although cruel at times, will be overwhelmed by his courage and his love.  For I believe, as I have for the last 6 1/2 months, that this is God's plan and although it is hard to understand, it is His will and Jase is destined for great things.

See, this is exactly why I blog.  I sat down tonight with a cold sandwich and my computer, with a lot of pain weighing me down.  As I examine my feelings, I realize that I am blessed beyond belief.  I almost feel guilty for writing the words above… but not enough to erase them.  I am human and we have feelings.  Some good feelings and some bad.  It is accepting those feelings, understanding them and using them to be a better person.  God has provided for me over and over.  He answered each and every one of my prayers - maybe not the way that I wanted them to be answered but the way that He believed was best, for His greater purpose.  Because, isn't that we are placed on Earth to do.. to love, to hurt, to help, to grieve, to do all things in accordance to God's plan.  He has encouraged me to share my faith, my life and my love.  My heart is lighter, my eyes can rest, because I have seen the beauty in what I have been given.  I have been given the opportunity to share my life.  To continue to praise God for the blessings and for the hardships that have shaped me into the person I want to be.  

I WILL STOP GRIEVING TODAY BECAUSE ..I am a good mom, even on the days where I am tired and weary.  I love all three of my children, each one who owns a piece of my heart.  I am a good wife, even when I think I'm not.  I will stop grieving for a full term pregnancy, and I will accept that it wasn't in my cards, and I am thankful because I still was able to bring my baby home.  I was able to meet people in the NICU, who taught me more about myself then I ever thought possible, who believed in Jase and believed in our family.  I am blessed that I am able to stay home with my child.. even on the days it is hard, because his smiles and his accomplishments make every moment worth it.  I will no longer grieve for my job, because I will work when the time is right, and poor is just the definition that you use.  I am rich and the things that I own will live on even after I am gone… in the life of my child.  And I will not fear the unknown, because God will provide.

So the next time I am in the bathroom with my head in my hands, I will pray this prayer….  God, I need your help.  I am struggling with this which is weighing heavy on my heart.  I know I can't figure out the solution on my own.  I pray that you will show me the way.  I am listening Lord.  Help me to remember that I am not alone and that you are with me always.  You've got me in the palm of Your hand and that is where I need to be.  This I pray in Jesus Name - Amen

So - Here it is - my official blog for the week… maybe for the month, or maybe just tomorrow. Thank you for letting me share my life with you, my love, my family and my Jase.  I wouldn't be where I am without your prayers.  So even as I wrote some of these raw emotions, I always knew deep inside, that everything will work out.  I just have to give it time and continue to trust and pray!

Love - Melissa

Chili Dog Pizza

This is my newest craving….  Let me say, I made chili the other night.  It was amazing and thick and very tasty.  But, as with anytime you make chili... at least when we make chili - there is always left overs!  I was wondering what I could do with the leftover chili, so I began to search the internet for recipes.  I heard some one say chili dog pizza…. HMMM - Now I am intrigued.  After searching many recipes, I finally made it my own.


Ingrediants:

1 pizza crust (I used a can Pillsbury Refrigerator Pizza Crust)
1 package of hot dogs (I am a big fan of all beef hot dogs)
Sweet Relish
Ketchup and Mustard
Chili - (If you don't have leftover chili - Hormel Chili will work just fine!)
Medium Diced Onion
Olive Oil


Feel free to only use the condiments above that you like, but let me say… the relish adds a zing that makes the pizza great!


1.  On a pizza pan, lightly greased, roll out the pizza crust.

2.  Slice Hot Dogs.  I only used 4 of the hot dogs and sliced them thinly.  Next time, I may use all 8 hot dogs and slice them a little thicker.

3.  Sprinkle hot dogs on pie crust and drizzle hot dogs and crust with olive oil.  I used a garlic flavor olive oil.

4.  Bake crust/dogs according to package - or until the crust is golden brown (15 Minutes).

5.  While baking - Heat up chili in a sauce pan for 4-5 minutes.

6. Remove pizza crust from oven - Spread sweet relish over the pizza, as much or as little as you prefer.    (You could also dice up dill pickles instead of relish…but I am partial to the relish)

7.  Lightly squirt ketchup and mustard, drizzling across the hot dogs and relish.

8.  Spoon chili over the crust - spreading evenly.  (If you are using leftover chili - make sure you use the thicker part of the chili.)

9.  Sprinkle with diced onions and cover with cheese.  I always use Colby Jack - but your favorite cheese should be used.

10.  Bake for 2-3 more minutes or until cheese is melted.  Slice and Enjoy.

I hope you like this recipe as much as I did.  Remember, I take a bunch of recipes from the internet and combine them to make my own…. so a google search may give you a different recipe.  I would love feedback if you decide to try this recipe!

I will post pictures after I am done uploading them to my computer!

PS - I'm BACK - I am definitely going to start blogging again! :) Enjoy your pizza!  Love, Melissa