My Sweet Kaleb

My Sweet Kaleb, 

It has been 1001 Days....

It has been 2 years, 8 months and 26 days since you left us for your Heavenly Home.

Some days it feels like forever  ago - some days it feels like just yesterday.

I miss you Kaleb.

I miss the "who you would have been".

I miss most the sound of your laugh.  I miss the smile you would have given Jase.  

I miss the craziness that would have been our life.

I miss the chance to hold you on my lap.

I want YOU to know....

 I miss you next to me.

I know you are next to me.

My Sweet Kaleb,

It has been 1001 Days...

It has been 2 years, 8 months and 26 days and I just sat down to pick out your urn.

Some may say that I was avoiding the task.

Maybe.

To me, I know that your ashes do not define you.

Some days I feel guilty because we didn't have a funeral to say goodbye.

Even though, I know you didn't want me to leave Jase.

I feel like you didn't get my attention, my grief, my love.

I want YOU to know....

 I still grieve.

 I will ALWAYS love you.

My Sweet Kaleb,  

It has been 1001Days...

It has been 2 years, 8 months and 26 days and  I love you more today then yesterday.

I think about you daily, safe in the arms of our Father.

I want ME to know....

Your soul is free. 

Your soul is with me.

My Sweet Kaleb,

It has been 1001 Days...

It has been 2 years, 8 months and 26 days and we still would have chosen you.

Even though, I know that I would have chosen you, 

I know that it was God that chose you for me.

Godspeed Little Man

Sweet Dreams Little Man

All My Love Will Fly To You Each Night On Angel Wings.

After two years, I didn't realize how hard this would be.  There is closure I didn't know I was searching for. As your dad and I pick the right urn, and struggle for the right words, as we pick you up from the funeral home and bring you home, we grieve again and we are reminded that love never dies.

LOVE NEVER DIES.

We Love You Kaleb McCloud Zellmer.

My heart is happy

I can't wait to have you home with us.

Even though I know, 

You Never Left.

A Special THANK YOU to Powers Funeral Home.

The love and compassion you have shown our family will not be forgotten.

Thank you for taking care of both of our boys, Carter and Kaleb.

Thank You for supporting our journey with Jase.

A Week In Pictures....

It's the first week of June -

AND

These are the best days of my life.....

June 2nd - No NAPS today. We had a cousin day with Bradie.

I love the sound of little boy giggles.

June 6th - Jase and I both slept in, enjoyed breakfast in our pi's, and cuddled in the chair.

Jase would eat eggs for every meal - His favorite is an over-easy egg with bacon bits and ketchup.

June 7th - Blank Park Zoo with our friend Noah.

We are extremely thankful for the friends in our life!

June 8th - Jase waiting for some pop-pop....

June 9th - I grabbed the swimming pool from the basement.  Jase took one look and said, "NOPE!"

He refused to get in - but loved filling it full of water with the garden hose.

He loves the garden hose!

June 11th - A two year old can have chores too.

Jase loves to be outside and he loves to help. 

Watering the flowers and giving the birds a drink!

 Some new landscaping for the swing set.

June 12th - Sunday Evening Ice Cream.... (in the new car)  

The heat might have affected my judgement!

What a wonderful beginning to the month of June! 

 I can't wait to see what the rest of the month has in store for us.

Meanwhile, the clothes will sit on the dining room table waiting to be put away, the dishes will pile in the sink, and the beds will need made - 

But all that can wait because.... Jase and I are making memories.

" The best thing to spend on your child, is your time."

I love summer!

Mushroom and Swiss Grilled Pizza :)

GRILLED PIZZA is the best.

INGREDIENTS:

Mama Mary's Pizza Crust
14.5 Can of Pizza Sauce
1 lb of Ground Hamburger
1 package of Whole Mushrooms Sliced
1 package of Swiss Cheese
1 package real Mozzeralla
Seasonings - Garlic Powder, Pepper and Parsley




1.  Heat up Grill - Remove crust from package.  Rub both sides with olive oil.  Grill the top side of the pizza crust.  Grill until warm and visible grill marks.

2.  Cover with pizza sauce.  Top with swiss cheese.  Sprinkle with parsley.

3.  Brown Hamburger - Add Mushrooms and Sautee until Mushrooms are soft.  Season with seasonings of you choice.  I use pepper, garlic, seasoning salt and parsley.  Cook completely and drain well.

4.  Add meat and mushrooms on top of swiss cheese.  Spread evenly.

5.  Slice Mozzeralla cheese.  Add to Pizza.  Sprinkle with Parsley

6. Place directly on grill.  Grill for 5-10 minutes until crust is crispy and cheese is melted.

ENJOY!!

Melissa's Casserole

Melissa's Casserole ... 

my favorite hamburger, potato, green bean casserole!

Ingredients:

2 lb Hamburger
1 - Small Onion
8 Medium Size Potatoes
4 - 14.5 cans of Green Beans, Drained
8 oz of Velvetta Cheese, Cubed (1/2 container of Velvetta)
2 - 14.5 oz can of Cream of Mushroom Soup
2 - 14.5 oz can of Cream of Chicken Soup
1/8 Cup of Milk




Directions:

1.  In large pan, bring 6 cups of water to boil. Peel potatoes, add to pan and boil potatoes until tender. Drain and set aside to cool. Once cool, slice and layer potatoes on the bottom of a 9 X13 greased baking dish.

2.  Brown hamburger and onion (diced) together until meat is no longer pink and the onions are soft. Season meat while cooking -  I use pepper,  minced garlic,  and a dash of seasoning salt.  Layer hamburger on top of the potatoes in the baking dish.

3.  Open green beans, drain and spread evenly on top of the hamburger.

4.  In a small saucepan, mix milk, velvetta cubed, cream of mushroom soup, and cream of chicken soup. Stir on low-medium heat until melted and bubbly. Sometimes I add more velvetta. (Ok, usually I add more velvetta... it's just better that way)  It just depends on how cheesy I want my sauce.  Pour on top of the green beans.

5.   Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Serves 6-8 people.

Enjoy!

.... AND THEN CHEESECAKE....

#mayyoubekind

In a world where you can be anything... #mayyoubekind

We are quick to judge, quick to put others down, blast people on social media while we hide behind our keyboards.  In a world where this is the norm, let us remember to be kind.  Remember the struggles that others may be facing, which you know nothing about.  Smile at a stranger, pay it forward, say yes when you want to say no, have dinner with a friend, and always remember you are loved by someone.  What others think of you is none of your business.  Live life with no regrets and may you always be kind.

#wearethechangethisworld needs.


It's June 1st -  Have a blessed day!

Love, Melissa

Preschool, Here Come's Jase!

 It seems that I no longer have a baby....
                                                                                and I am quickly loosing my toddler.

I enrolled Jase in preschool today, but not without my usual internal struggle.

The struggle of I don't want to hold him back... but I don't want to transition him before he is ready.  That kind of struggle.

Prior to Jase being born premature, Brennon and I had discussed me working versus staying home and what day care we would choose. We talked about educational goals for our children,  and we briefly discussed preschool and starting school, sports and social clubs.  We wanted all of those things for our children.

When Jase and Kaleb were born so premature, all of those talks, well, they were just talk.  No longer were we sure about our child's abilities.  The future was just that, the future.  It was unknown how Jase would develop, how he would grow, and what struggles he may have.  We were told of the possibilities of disabilities ranging from none, to mild, to severe.  The future of unknowns. Talks of school and daycare, gave way to supporting Jase's needs and hopes for the best future for our child.  Surviving was our #1 goal.  

It seems the future is here.  Jase has been home with me for two years due to his chronic lung disease and immune system. We have done everything to ensure he stayed healthy during cold and flu seasons as well as accessing medical professionals weekly in Des Moines to ensure Jase is growing and developing with physical therapy.  At times,  I   have struggled with the fact that he is so strongly attached to his Mama.   I have struggled with the fact that he hasn't had a lot of opportunity to socialize with other children.  I have struggled with the fact that he has horrible balance, that he doesn't move as fast or run as well as his peers.  I have struggled with  questions of "is he ready for school" or "should I home-school him for 3 year old preschool"?  I then struggle with the thought, that keeping him out of preschool could hinder his learning and socialization even more?!

I know in my heart,  we have made all of our decisions based on what is best for Jase.  We have spent many nights discussing the benefits of the above struggles over the risk of being sick or setbacks in his development. SEE, I have struggled.  Sometimes silly, but still an internal struggle of what is best for my child.  

BUT, 

Jase loves to learn.  He loves his ABC's.  He knows them all from A-Z.  He loves counting 1-10 especially while climbing stairs.  He sings the phonics song with us and is now learning his colors. Some kids want Elmo and Thomas the Train.  My child wants letters and numbers. We have strongly encouraged play based learning at our house and Jase is like a sponge -learning and sharing everything.  It seems that in testing Jase, his actual delays are still mostly in normal range for his age.

We have always followed Jase's lead on everything.  Following his cues  have helped us to ensure that he is successful in whatever he is trying to accomplish.  We know Jase and we know he will tell us if he is or isn't ready, and we will listen.

SO,

After long conversations with Brennon, a few opinions of our favorite professionals, and speaking to the preschool teachers, my child is officially enrolled in Preschool for Fall 2016.

 AND,

I refuse to let my fears hinder my child.  We refuse to do anything, but what is best for our child.  We will give him every opportunity to succeed.  We chose an amazing preschool with amazing teachers. I have no doubt that we will work together to facilitate an absolutely, amazing learning opportunity for our child.

Because I am 5% nervous for Jase and 95% excited for him. I am SUPER pumped.  I am so excited that my child is going to preschool with other children.  I am excited that my 23 week miracle is doing so well and that despite his prematurity, he is learning and growing at an amazing rate.  I know that he is ready, but I am also excited that everyone involved, feels that he his ready too.  I am excited for him to play with other children, for him to learn from other children and for him to grow in to the little boy that he is supposed to be. I am excited that he has overcome so many obstacles.  It hasn't been easy but it has definitely been worth it.  

All of our tears, all of our worries, have led us to this moment - and to the future.  The future holds many tough decisions, but I feel confident in the decision we just made and in the decisions we will make in the future.