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| Week #6 of 2013 |
TODAY - I was whiney again...Really, is this going to happen every 6 weeks? I was so tired, and grumpy, and just one of those days, where I wish I had stayed in bed. Although I will say - a little pay it forward and a good dinner with Brennon has helped turn my day around. How I love him -- although this morning, Brennon was picking on me, and that may have been the reason why I was so whiney?! I did my first pay it forward gift of 2013... A pair of warm cozy socks and a note that says "You Rock My Socks". I loved sneaking around to drop off my gifts. I am enjoying this way to much. This weekend, I found myself at Wal-Mart, searching each isle for the perfect gift for my pay it forward 2013 year. I am hoping that even though my gifts are small, they still bring a smile to each recipient. I know that it brought me a smile! I hope that I will continue to to do this, not only in 2013, but in the years to come!
LOVE - Talking about love, it makes me think about Valentine's Day. Over the centuries, humans have used this holiday to express their love for each other, by flowers, candy and handwritten notes called valentines... and it is only 3 days away. Valentine's Day can be exciting and romantic, for the couple who is a new flame, or for a couple who has celebrated together for many years. It is even a wonderful time to admire someone secretly! But for those who are single, Valentine's Day can be boring and honestly, you are stuck watching others brag over their gifts. I always thought Valentine's Day was kinda silly. Just another reason to buy a gift, proclaiming your love for another person. If you really care about one another, you should hear the words "I Love You" every day, and gifts should be because you want to - not because you feel obligated because it is Valentine's Day. Now sharing all that, I also wonder if the main reason behind wanting to receive a valentine, is to brag to your friends, your co-workers, or strangers all the sweet and possibly expensive gift you received for Valentine's Day. I know I have done that once or twice.... and disappointed when I got flowers shoved in a vase that were dying because my husband didn't have money or more likely the time to spend on the quality flowers. But really, as I write that - guys always get the horrible end of the deal on Valentine's Day. Brennon doesn't care, so he always gets what he wants, and that is nothing. I just kinda feel bad, that I don't spoil him at Valentine's Day. Well anyway - that's my rant. If you see my husband this week... remind him the 14th is Valentine's Day! :) I promise, I am going to work harder to find the perfect valentine for him too!
FRIENDS - What a busy weekend with friends. Friday night, I was able to start the night off right with dinner with one of my bestest friends. I continue to count my blessings that Corina and I work so hard to make sure we take time to connect once a month. Is it March yet - I enjoy the time spent together. It amazes me how clear I can see what I truly want, after a couple hours in her company! Following my dinner, I came home to a house full of laughter. We were able to spend the evening with Summer and Larry and Emily and Travis. With peach margaritas, chicken enchiladas and of course a couple of Coors Lights. It was a good time. I appreciated that everyone took time from busy schedules to invade our home. AND I was pumped that I was not the Zellmer that woke up with a headache, and what I would assume was a big fat hangover :) That was Brennon! HA HA
FAMILY - Sunday, we had lunch at my mom's. Corned Beef and Cabbage - and 3 glasses of wine! It tasted great. As I was helping my mom with apps on her iPad - I again felt kinda bad that I am always on the laptop, using it for Facebook, Pinterest or my blog. Brennon is stuck using his phone or the Nook tablet to access his apps. On the way home, I mentioned again that I wanted to buy him an iPad for Valentine's Day, which by the way is only 3 days away.. HINT - HINT Brennon :) Brennon seemed okay with that, until coffee this morning, he looked at me and said, "Maybe you shouldn't buy me an iPad - I can think of many things to spend that money on... and if you have the computer, that means I have the television remote. Good point, but I still feel bad hogging the laptop. Maybe I should order one anyway? We will see... We will see!
FAITH - Do you believe in signs? Moments in life, where you realize that God is speaking to you. I feel like I have had a lot of those moments lately. Really, I am searching for my purpose in life. The life that God has prepared for me.... not the life, I think I am supposed to have. To let go of past hurts, to forgive, to be happy and to love deeply. To cherish the important things in life, and to do my best. To be a friend that I would want others to be for me, and to use my strengths to help other. I really miss Carter, but I wonder if a part of saying goodbye, was to help me understand the complex journey to be who I am supposed to be, the wife I supposed to be, the mother I am supposed to be, the friend I am supposed to be, and the child of God that I am supposed to be.
Sunday I checked my message from God. Today, Melissa, God wants you to know that "your talent is God's gift to you." It went on to say, "What you do with it is your gift back to God."
See - signs - What is the chance that I have two random messages that say the same thing? I am perfectly made my Him. Now the choice is up to me. I can turn my back on my talents and gifts that God has given me, or I can move forward, to help others, to help myself, and to live the life that I can be proud of. So in my final days, I can look back on my life, and realize, that everything that I did, the mistakes that I made, the happiness and grief that I felt, brought me exactly where I needed to be. I am so thankful that God speaks to me. I have gotten pretty good at the talking to God part, I just need that reminder to slow down and listen. I will work on that more in the week ahead....
I have decided that trusting in God can be very difficult. Especially when we have so many ideas of how our life was going to be. I remember in those days following Carter's birth, I was so angry. I asked often and still do - Why can't I have everything? I have a husband, a home, a job that pays the bills and allows me to have a little left over, I have good family, friends, and I believe in God.... but I can't have my son. Yes, he is my son in Heaven as much as he would have been on Earth, but I can't touch him, I can't cuddle him, love him, teach him. I don't have everything, I don't have my son in my arms. Even if Brennon and I choose to have another baby, I won't have his or her big brother physically here with us. And now, I continue to struggle in believing that my prayers will be answered. Even though I know that everything God asks us to do, however difficult, is because he has something great planned for us. I want to believe that, I want to keep the faith. But honestly, some days it is so hard. Darn patience....I will believe, and I will trust, and I will give to others.... I have to live this life, using my talents and strengths, trusting in God, so at the end of my life, Carter will meet me with a hug and a kiss in God's home, at Heaven's gate. As I wrote before, I will have hope, faith and love.
This weekend, I was reading my message from God on Facebook. It was on Saturday, and again, I was pondering what my thought for next week was going to be. I read it, and realized that it was - a sign from God. Today, Melissa, God wants you to know that "you are created just right.". It went on to say... "Each kind of bird has a uniquely-shaped beak, wings, and even feather shape so that everything about it is perfect for the lifestyle it lives. The various wing shapes allow them to dart every bug, soar miles above a field, or fly for months over the ocean. Just as God cares enough to give each bird exactly what it needs, so you have been given the exact talents and personality to life the life God has given you."
Sunday I checked my message from God. Today, Melissa, God wants you to know that "your talent is God's gift to you." It went on to say, "What you do with it is your gift back to God."
See - signs - What is the chance that I have two random messages that say the same thing? I am perfectly made my Him. Now the choice is up to me. I can turn my back on my talents and gifts that God has given me, or I can move forward, to help others, to help myself, and to live the life that I can be proud of. So in my final days, I can look back on my life, and realize, that everything that I did, the mistakes that I made, the happiness and grief that I felt, brought me exactly where I needed to be. I am so thankful that God speaks to me. I have gotten pretty good at the talking to God part, I just need that reminder to slow down and listen. I will work on that more in the week ahead....
I have decided that trusting in God can be very difficult. Especially when we have so many ideas of how our life was going to be. I remember in those days following Carter's birth, I was so angry. I asked often and still do - Why can't I have everything? I have a husband, a home, a job that pays the bills and allows me to have a little left over, I have good family, friends, and I believe in God.... but I can't have my son. Yes, he is my son in Heaven as much as he would have been on Earth, but I can't touch him, I can't cuddle him, love him, teach him. I don't have everything, I don't have my son in my arms. Even if Brennon and I choose to have another baby, I won't have his or her big brother physically here with us. And now, I continue to struggle in believing that my prayers will be answered. Even though I know that everything God asks us to do, however difficult, is because he has something great planned for us. I want to believe that, I want to keep the faith. But honestly, some days it is so hard. Darn patience....I will believe, and I will trust, and I will give to others.... I have to live this life, using my talents and strengths, trusting in God, so at the end of my life, Carter will meet me with a hug and a kiss in God's home, at Heaven's gate. As I wrote before, I will have hope, faith and love.
"The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him." Lamenatations 3:25
I believe that one of my strengths is to help people. I have always worked at jobs where I have helped others, and we all seek praise and encouragement. I want to believe that most people are good people. and that we find helping others to be inspiring. One human being helping another. I know that I feel better when helping someone. Whether it is helping an elderly person with their groceries, or taking the time to truly listen to a child, or just a smile at a stranger. It makes me happy to help others. This brings me to my thought for the week... to use the strengths and talents that God has given me, and to use my life to of assistance to others. Will you?
Have a blessed week - Melissa
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