Thought for Week #8 of 2013 :)

Today is a new Monday - the last Monday of February.  Today is the 8th Monday of 2013 - and here is another very Zellmer update...... How many times can I say Monday?  Monday, Monday Monday - :)

This past week went by quickly.  Monday and Tuesday were busy days at work, Wednesday brought a trip to Council Bluffs, and Thursday and Friday were snowy days.  I enjoy snow days.  I don't really like the snow once it is here, but I enjoy the inclement weather.... the anticipation of a huge storm. The dream of sitting in my pajamas, watching it snow out the window, curled up with a good book.  BUT, it is always just a dream, as I always find something better that I think I have to do!  And it is supposed to snow again this week.  ( I am secretly disappointed that we may not get very much snow with this current forecast, and secretly excited  because we really have had enough snow :) Oh well -  It is time to move forward and embrace a new week, while reflecting on the past week. .. Here is my week -  

This week it is time to own up or shut up.  I am so tired of stating that I am fat.... that my clothes don't fit and that I am inching up towards the weight I was when Carter was born. (Or maybe, I have passed that weight - I refuse to step on the scale.)   I am not sure how it happened - Oh wait, yes I am - I love to cook.... and I LOVE TO EAT.  Add in the fact that some of the side effects of medication is increased appetite.  Yep - I am getting fat.  So now, is the time to do something about it, or just quit complaining about it.  Yesterday, I made Brennon go on a walk with me.  I loved walking last spring and summer with Brennon.  The brisk walk was just what I needed.  I feel like I have cabin fever.  SO - now I have to find the will power and go for it.  To lose 20 pounds and start to feel good again.    My goal for this week is to make my goals visible.  Time to own up.  I am going to take a picture - and it is going on the fridge and on my blog.  Time to be accountable for what I want in life.  And if I want to be healthy, this is a huge step to overall health.  Hey Summer - I don't think I should eat out this week for lunch. :)  OHH - this may be hard.  Oh look - girl scout cookies..... This is going to be very hard!

LOVE - Brennon I didn't do much this weekend.  Actually, we were kinda crabby with each other.  Not because either one of us really wanted to be, but it was a mixture of things.  We both realized without saying it that we were suffering from cabin fever.  Both of us wanted to do something, but we didn't have the energy to choose something to do.  Not only are we suffering from cabin fever, but  I was reminded that Brennon and I grieve differently.  With this past week, we both were faced with the fact that if Carter was born on his due date, we would be adjusting to our new life with an 8 week old.   Yet, we were faced with the realization that we have survived for 1/2 a year without our baby here with us.  Since we grieve differently, we also support each other differently.  Which definitely makes sense, but something I didn't take the time to consider.  I still thank God every day for blessing me with such a wonderful husband.  I couldn't imagine having anyone else beside me during these last few months.

Carter Bear

FAMILY -   If you are friends with me on Facebook, you already know, we recieved our Carter Bear on February 21st.....Carter's 6 month birthday.  My Carter Bear is so precious, just like my sweet Carter.  It made Brennon and I smile, that we could not specifically ask for  a certain bear, but just the choice between a decorated bear or unembellished bear.  We kinda worried that our bear would not be as cute as our Carter.... How could a stranger know our son's perfect personality like we do. In the mail, we received a perfect pale yellow bear.  We were always buying yellow for Carter, and I loved the little giraffe themed items that were at the store.   How shocked we were to realize that our Carter Bear was the perfect color, the perfect personality for our baby. Just another sign, that Carter is near us...  Thanks Carter Baby for validating that you are still here with us.

 For more information regarding the Molly Bears organization, please visit their website  - www.mollybears.com.  It is truly a wonderful organization.  They create weighted teddy bears the exact size of your angel baby, so that grieving families have something to hold.  They run completely on donations, and I am pleased to be able to donate.  I am considering doing a fundraiser for them in the near future.  Just a small way to give back, as we are very pleased with our Carter Bear.  It amazes me, how such a small item can bring such joy to our lives... and in a small way brings us peace.  It is very hard to explain, but I am pumped that I will be able to pick up my teddy bear, hug it, and cuddle it close to me when I am missing my sweet baby.

FAITH - It is time to stop worrying about the people in my life.  God knows how to move the wrong people out of my life and the right people in.  I struggle with the changes in my life, and I continue to struggle with the hurt that I feel in my heart.  I am working very hard to let the hurt and anger go.  I am also working towards accepting the things that I can not change.  To love others the way that God loves me, and to realize that those people who have walked out of my life, may be because God was moving me in a better direction... to make me the person I am meant to be.

I was told this week, that God will never leave you empty... that if He asks you to say goodbye or walk away, He is preparing you for something greater.  How do I feel about that - I have had so many changes in a short amount of time.  I had to say goodbye to Carter, but how can there be something greater then having my Carter here?  I continue to think about how much my life has changed in the past year.  I honestly can't say that my life has changed for the worse.. or really for the better.... It has just changed.  I am sad that my baby is not here, but I also know that I am strong enough to say goodbye and cherish my baby, honoring him every day, as though he was physically with us.  He continues to be apart of our every day... and I couldn't imagine it any other way!

When my heart is overwhelmed - lead me to the rock that is higher then I am.  Psalm 61:2

Today Melissa, God wants you to know, "in order to move forward you must open yourself to new experiences."  Yes - I am reading my message from God again, and once again, the message spoke to me.  It went on to say, "There is no failing, only results.  Be courageous and push yourself to new heights.  Besides, what is going to happen if you make a bad decision?  You learn from it.  The more results you make, the faster you will reach your destination."  This has me thinking about life. Our life story is written every day by the choices we make.  Choices, become decisions, and decisions become answers.  Often times, we pray that we make the right decision in regards to our choices.  With those answers, we are blessed with miracles.  A miracle is a miracle - don't forget to notice them, no matter how small or how big.. there are blessings all around us.

My thought for the week is to tell God that I am ready to move forward.  When I feel overwhelmed, when I question my life, my choices and my decisions - I will seek God's guidance and move forward.  I may not be able to see the way, but a part of trusting in God, is to tell him that I am ready and to embrace new experiences.  It is time to be courageous and push myself forward.  So here I am, letting go, surrendering my life again to God, and to move in the direction He will lead me.  I pray boldly - Please God, I AM READY -

It is time to move forward.  Will you walk with me! - Melissa :)