Thought For Week #1 of 2013 :)

Today is the first Monday of 2013 - Doesn't it seem like each week goes by, and it seems like nothing has changed, but then when you look back everything has changed.  Well, one of my goals for my on-line blog is to be able to document weekly what has happened, so when I  say that nothing has changed, I can look back and see that everything happens for a reason and with all things, comes change.  So here it goes - The first Monday of 2013... 1/7/2013 :)

TODAY-- I feel whiney.  Have I whined today?  I don't think so, but it just seems to describe me today.  Not quite so bad that I need an attitude adjustment, but bad enough, that my bedtime can not come soon enough!  What is wrong with me?  I sure wish I knew.  I asked God for extra patience this morning, as I knew that I had a very busy Monday, and although I believe I have handled the day well, I'm just... well, crabby!  So enough about my day - let me change that crabby, whiney mood into something better......  Love - Family - Friends - Faith....

LOVE -- I had a great weekend.  Friday night, Brennon and I made a mess of the kitchen.  Okay, maybe I made a mess of the kitchen, Brennon just rolled his eyes.  I think his comment was, "she is like a 5 year old with play-doh"  When I say mess, I mean mess.   I can't use flour unless it is all over me, the counter and the floor.  But it was worth it!  The homemade pretzels turned out great.. and thankfully, I am married to a very patient guy!  He just seems to get me and doesn't complain when he has to help clean up my messes.  I secretly think he likes it.  I continue to feel extremely blessed, that we have the relationship that we do.  I have seen marriages fall apart after the death of a child, and yet, it has made us stronger.  Stronger in our love, stronger in our faith, and truly stronger as individuals.  I am thankful for every moment that we have together.

FAMILY -- Saturday, was our Family Fun Night.  I made appetizers and bacon cheeseburger pizza and Emalie, James, Tasha, and Kevin arrived for a little family bonding. :)  It turned out to be exactly what I needed. To be surrounded by the people I love.  We played games - had a glass of wine or two, and I am pretty sure Brennon and Tasha had a headache that night from laughing so hard.  It is those moments that we need to cherish, to take advantage of.  I truly believe that laughter is the world's best medicine and that it really truly heals a person's mind, body and spirit.

WEDDING PLANS WITH THE FUTURE HOGANS -- Sunday, while Brennon sat on the couch, I spent the entire day with James and Emalie!  What a great day... we had some serious talks, we both discussed life's lessons, and plenty of joking around in the meantime.  The wedding planning made me remember the words that Emalie's dad told me just days before he died, and only a week before my wedding.  As we discussed how hard it was to plan her wedding with out her dad here, and how to include him in every aspect of the wedding, I shared those words with her.  "Remember - it is not the wedding ceremony that makes a marriage, but the love between two people." Emalie and James both have a lot of love to share between them.  There are bound to be ups and downs, but just spending the day with them is a great reminder that, I can't wait to stand up with them as they make this commitment for the rest of their lives.  I really just am thankful that they asked me to be a part of their special day.

FRIENDS - Vickie stopped by my office today.  I don't see her as often as I would like and her short visit reminded me of how much I miss her.  We both just decided that we needed to see each other more often - and of course play board games... 

FAITH -- So I had a crazy, busy, wonderful weekend and yet I felt  crabby today....  It is the New Year - and I have been focusing on my resolution to Trust in God, to remember to truly LET GO and TRUST.  Now let me explain...  I think that I always trust Him, I just wish His plan was happening quicker for me.  I have struggled with patience the last few days, as I keep questioning why things are happening the way they are. Why am I not on maternity leave and snuggling with my Carter Baby?  Why am I paying so much for Carter's direct flight to Heaven?  Brennon and I miss him so much, and not only do we miss him, but the life we had already started to plan.  I  woke up this morning and my heart was sad.  Which, I will say, the sadness continues, but it is not as raw, as it was 6 months ago.  I don't cry everyday, and on the days that I do, I know that God continues to comfort me in those moments.  Will I be at peace again?  Will I be able to get through one day without feeling like a piece of my heart is missing.  A heaviness, that makes its presence known and then in an instance, everything changes.  I can be having a great day, and then in a moment, one memory presents itself, and I feel like I am starting all over again in my grief.  Another reason why, I have to trust in God's timing and believe in his promises!  "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

So finally, this brings me to the THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK -- I am writing this entry as a reminder for the week ahead.  A reminder to stay strong, to surround myself with happiness, even in the saddest moments, to love deeply, to have faith, and to remember that I have to do my part.  I can't ask God to direct my footsteps, if I am not willing to move my feet.

Have a Blessed Week - Melissa